How can I live without you (Sequel to Simon FanFic - Sleeping with the enemy)

Crossroads

A week passed and every day was the same, woke up, went on watch or patrol, ate, struggled to get to sleep. You weren't coping, you weren't really living. Finally you slept through a whole night, only to be woken by a knock on your door. You groaned and rolled over, but they knocked again. 

"What!?" you yelled and the door creaked open, Heather popped her head round.

"Morning" she smiled, but you didn't return the gesture. "Negan sent me to tell you, you're going on a run and to be at the fences in half an hour. You nodded, expecting her to leave the room.

"Hey, are we okay?" she asked, you suddenly felt very guilty, you were mad at her for still being able to see the man she loved, that was not being a good friend.

"Yeah we're good" you sighed "I'm just struggling with things, you know" she nodded and left the room. You pulled yourself out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready. You wore your grey leggings and red hoodie, tied your hair in a loose french plait and popped your head in Cameron's room to tell him where you were going. He promised to stay put until you got back. 

You made your way out to the courtyard to find Negan waiting for you at Simon's truck. He smiled at you but you ignored him, just pulled out the keys and climbed in the drivers side, not wanting him to drive Simon's truck. He climbed in the passenger seat beside you, you followed the vehicle in front and after a while Negan sighed, you knew what was coming.

"Don't" you warned "I'm here to do a job, no chit chat" 

"Honey you need stop being so damn hostile" he groaned

"Negan you killed my boyfriend, don't fucking tell me how to feel about that" you snapped.

"I know how you feel about what I did" he sighed "but how do you feel about me?" you were shocked by his question, he could not be asking what you thought he was asking. 

"Are you being serious right now?" you yelled disgusted,

"Yes!" he shouted "I saw your face when you walked in on me and Sherrie last week" 

"Yeah I was disgusted" you scoffed "I hate her too"

"You sure that's all you felt?" he pressed,

"Yes Negan now drop it" you hissed, he played with his beard, staring at you, before accepting your answer and turning to look out of the window instead. It had bothered you, his question. You didn't know how you felt about him. You hated him for what he had done to Simon, but at the same time, you had cared about him, you lied to Simon so you could save him, you just didn't know if any of those feelings were still there, just below the surface. 

Eventually the vehicles came to a stop on a street of semi detached, big houses. Whoever had lived here was very well off and you were optimistic about what you might find. You and Negan headed for the first house, while the rest of the saviours scouted the rest. Negan thumped Lucille against the front door and luckily nothing followed, the house was empty. It was also very dark as all the windows had been boarded up. You climbed the stairs while he checked out what was downstairs. You expertly checked each room for threats as you went along. You had found clothes and a few toiletries when you stepped up to the final door. It rattled slightly as you approached it, you decided there was either a breeze or a walker behind it, either way you could handle it. 

You were wrong. As you opened the door, three walkers fell out, you backed up and hit the wall as they all reached for you. You would have been able to handle them if you hadn't been caught of guard, but now, trying to hold off three mouths, you were in trouble.

"Negan!" you screamed, you heard him run up the stairs.

"Holy shit" he cursed resting Lucille against the wall and cocking his gun

"In your own time" you yelled, he laughed and took aim, shooting each one in the head, you rested your head against the wall in relief. He dropped his gun and marched over to you, taking your face in his hands and checking you for marks.

"Are you okay?" he asked "are you hurt" you hated how his touch made you relax. 

"I'm fine" you whispered, still breathing heavy "Thank you" his hands were still on your face, his face centimetres from yours. He glanced from your eyes to your lips and back again. Your heart began to race and you kicked yourself for letting it betray you. He leaned in, he was seconds from kissing you went a Saviour ran up the stairs,

"You alright boss" he asked. You turned you head away from Negan, sliding away from him and past the Saviour at the top of the stairs. 

"Damn fucking peachy" Negan growled, clearly not happy with being interrupted. You ran out to the truck, threw your stuff in the back and climbed in, hitting the steering wheel in frustration, you could not believe you nearly kissed him. The man who killed your boyfriend. 

A few moments later he climbed in the truck beside you. It was awkward and you fired it up in an attempt to fill the awkward silence. Luckily he didn't seem to want to talk either. 

When you returned, it was time for dinner, you fetched Cameron and promised to take him outside on your perimeter check since he had been inside all day. As you patrolled the back of the Sanctuary, you heard a rustle in the bushes beyond the fence, you immediately cocked your gun and pushed Cam behind you. 

"Don't shoot" you heard a familiar voice say,

"Daryl!" Cameron exclaimed excitedly,

"Hey" Daryl said, smiling at the two of you.

"Daryl what are you doing here" you whispered "If they find you you're dead"

"Yeah I know" he sighed "But I had to check you were okay, its been days"

"I know I'm sorry" you replied "I've not been able to get out"

"How about tonight?" he asked "Can you sneak over the fence"

"I can try" you smiled,

"Meet me here at midnight" he told you, before disappearing again. 

You made Cameron promise not to tell anyone where you were going as you tucked him in to bed. You quickly showered and got changed before sitting in bed, watching time pass painfully slow. Finally it was quarter to midnight, you jumped out of bed and pulled on your shoes. You snuck out into the hall, but as you turned a corner you bumped straight into a strong form. Negan.

"Well hello honey" he smiled "I was just coming to check on you" 

"You were?" you asked smiling back,

"Yeah we need to talk" he sighed, you glanced at the clock on the wall behind him, Daryl would be expecting you soon. You didn't know what to do, how was it that only a week after losing the love of your life, you were having to choose between two other men.

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