Avneil FF

Chapter 43

Neil watched as avni continued to work on her laptop silently. He sat on the bed observing her but she didn't look up. She was just going about her work without saying a word. Neil didn't know if he should give her some time to deal with everything or just confront her to talk about her feelings and let it out. He knew that avni was a really sensitive soul underneath all her exterior bravado.she was treating this situation like Neil would treat his police cases...with cold detachment. She just found out her mother has cancer and she's not shed a single tear....she didn't even look scared. Just quiet determination and no emotions...she was bottling things up and that worried neil. But she had just found out about the diagnosis. He couldn't completely fault her logic of trying to grasp all the information and figure out how to get neelama the best treatment....maybe he could start by talking to her about that.Neil- avni, main kuch help karoon tumhaari.Kya padh rahi ho?Avni- I have just read about both mastectomy and BCS. There are some pros and cons to both but after reading everything I feel like the best option for ma is to go ahead with a mastectomy itself. Neil didn't know how to respond....umm ok..what's BCS.Avni- breast conserving surgery. Avni- so it states that in addition to the tumor removal, intraoperatively they would do a sentinel lymph node biopsy and send that for frozen section to look for any tumor deposit and depending on that they'll need to do a full axillary lymph node dissection as well. Neil stared at her blankly as she rattled off what she had been reading robotically spewing out facts...A few minutes later she stopped talking with a sigh...Neil- Avni, I know that you want to make sure you are well informed about neelamas treatment plan and try to get her the best possible...Avnj interrupted him and said tersely- try nahi, I WILL make sure she gets the best treatment. She will be ok. Neil cupped her face and held her and as she caught his penetrating but soft gaze finally Neil saw the flicker of emotions return...Avni- she will be ok she repeated. She has to be ok.Neil just said- she will be ok. He repeated to her. But Avni.. are you ok?Avni- sighed and looked down- no. No I'm not ok. My mother has cancer and there's nothing that I can do about it...I can't take it away. I can't do anything...all I can do is this...she waved to her notes...my research! And all I've found out are the 100 side effects and complications that can happen with surgery and chemo...and there's nothing I can do about that either, nothing ANYone can do...every side effect has a statistical probability apparently! She said this all, her pitch increasing with every word she uttered before she paused, and let out a shuddering breath. She was now tearing up and furiously wiping them away.Neil held her hands and said Avni please don't stop yourself....just let it out. Please.Avni- no.no. No I can't cry. I need to be strong for neelama. I won't break down. I won't cry she said rubbing her eyes.Neil- Ssh...Avni..listen to me. Bottling up your emotions won't help...and tears are NOT a sign of weakness Avni.Yes you need to look strong for neelama but not for me. I'm here for you baby...together we will make sure neelama gets the best ok. He told her comfortingly...And as she heard his soothing voice and felt his touch avnis resolve broke. She clutched his shirt and wept...And Neil didn't say a word. He just held her close and patted her back comfortingly rocking her gently against him waiting for her to let it all out.It took only a few minutes for avni to quiten down but she was hanging on to Neil, sniffing softly in between.Avni- Neil...Neil- hmm...Avni- maa thik hojayengi na? She asked with the vulnerability of a child scared to lose her mother...Neil- bilkul theek hojayengi. Voh tumhaari maa hai...Avni ki neelama. Toh Voh bhi fighter hai...toh Unhe toh theek hona hi padega. Neil continued to comfort her, running one of his hands over her hair while the other patted her back. Avni drew strength from his warmth and after a few minutes she finally pulled back, wiped her eyes one last time and looked up at neil- I'm ok now. Thank you.Neil- Avni, humesha yaad rakhna...dard chupane se doguna hojaata hai. Aur jab tak main hoon tumhaare saath tumhe apna Dard chupane ki zarurat nahi hai. Avni- jab tak ka kya matlab hai. Haan? What do you mean by jab tak? Kab tak? She said in a shrill tone since she was still on edge and extremely sensitive right now.Neil- Ssh...Avni yaar...sorry. Voh flow main bol diya ..please calm down. Main humesha hoon tumhaare saath. Avni- promise?Neil- pukka promise. Infact tumhaare liye toh Tillu promise!And that finally got her to crack a small smile.