In the Band

Chapter 30

Chapter 30: Allison’s P.O.V.

Today, it seemed like there was everyone in the world and then there was me. I was an outsider. Glaring at people in the hallway for no reason; they hadn’t done anything to me I just hated them. For smiling. How could anyone smile? How could anyone be happy when I could be this miserable?

There were dark clouds hanging over me. They threatened to swallow me up.

“Are you okay, Allison?” My English teacher asked me as I was leaving class.

“Yeah,why?” I said emotionlessly.

“Well, you glared up at me the entire class,” her voice held humor. She looked down on me, I could tell. She probably thought I was upset over something stupid, like a test or a boy. I came this close to yelling at her, but instead I just hated her through my eyes. “Look, you’re mad, I get it.”

My jaw clenched. You get it? You understand me? You must happen to know everything that goes in my life, then. You must know that I’m making the hardest decision of my life today. You must know that lately I’ve just been walking deeper and deeper into hell with no way of stopping. No, actually, you don’t. You would never understand. No one will ever understand. ”Yeah…” I said through my teeth.

Fuming, I walked out.

The natural ways of the universe bended themselves today, giving me a stroke of luck. I had a free period.

I walked the hallway slower than usual, trying to collect myself a little and not glare at people. It wasn’t the easiest task.

I immediately wished I had a gun to shoot myself with when a certain someone, who I haven’t seen in a while, walked up to me.

“Hey, Allison,” Brent said smiling at me. How could someone so good looking be so otherwise unattractive?

“Brent.” It took all I had to not scowl.

“So, Ashley Simmera is having a party at her house on Saturday. Maybe I’ll see you there?”

I uncontrollably snorted at his news, and then tried to cover it up as coughing. Afterwards, I said, “maybe.” Then, I walked away, not even regarding how much of a bitch I was being.

By the time school ended, I was more in a place of alarm than anger. My stomach kept on doing little flips and my body kept telling me to back down.

It didn’t help that I went to practice right after. I was extremely jumpy and a bit breathless, missing moves that I never get wrong. Some girls noticed, I think. By the end, I was ready to faint.

Finally, we were dismissed and I took a long shower, causing me to stay much longer than the other girls. I was stalling. There were things I needed to do, but I couldn’t bring myself to do them. The gnawing in the back of my head to not go became worse. I just wanted to stay in the warm water forever.

The problem is I already called Bennett and he made what he called ‘an appointment’ for me already, so if I backed down I would never have another chance. Part of me said that was a good thing, but another part said that money was what I needed to get Kelsey.

I thought about Kelsey; it made my heart hurt. She was only twelve years old. She thought I was trying to get rid of her. If she only knew… But I know I could never tell her. She would think I was disgusting. She’s too young.

Reluctantly, I made my way over to the local mall. On the way there, I passed the hotel that Panic was staying at. I wonder what they would think of me.

What seemed like against my will, my legs carried me to Victoria’s Secret. I remembered the last time I went to this store with Carson in Paris. At least now I’m not all sore and bruised like I was then.