Your Love Is Standing Next To Me

Chapter 19 - If you found this it's probably too late

I locked the door the next second and started packing.

Alex had assured me a thousand times we could still live happily ever after, even with my condition. But I didn't believe him. It was just a way to make a sick girl feel better and to convince himself he was giving me another chance. But I couldn't allow him waste his life with an unable to speak girlfriend, only because he was feeling guilty to let her go. He might have loved me before, but now it was just a matter of weeks until he would break down and tell me the truth - truth I already knew.

I had to leave. I had to make it seem my choice. I had to be strong. I had to be the one to say goodbye.

I cracked the door. Alex was coming with two glasses of lemonade and a tired smile on his face. I explained him I wanted apple juice - one thing I knew that wasn't in our fridge.

- I'll go buy you some, darlin'! Stay there!

It was exactly what I wanted. I grabbed my purse and the suitcase full with the most important things I found in the room and left the apartment after placing the letter I'd written while in hospital on the bed. It said how it was better for both of us that I had left, why he shouldn't feel guilty at all and how much I loved him and thanked him for everything, even for my new condition. I ordered him not to ever think of me, say my name or remember I'd ever existed. "Every end is a new beginning, isn't it?"

I jumped into the first cab and showed the driver a paper with the word "airport" written on it. I soon realised I'd been crying since I started packing. I was already used to the feeling of having my cheeks always wet and my eyes always red.

I handed the woman in front of me a paper with "London". I had to wait five hours for the flight, so I found a free chair in a corner of the waiting room and made myself comfortable.

That was it. Everything has an end. I had had enough fun for the rest of my life during the last two months. Now I was just a musician without voice. At least I could focus now on architecture.

I leaned my head on the back of the chair and fell asleep.