Love, Natalie

Prologue

Many people don't know how to express their feelings. Some people may just freely express themselves without hesitation. That's something I've always had trouble with.

Ever since an incident that took place last year, I've kept my feelings to myself. You never know how people can take advantage of you just because they know how you feel.

But sometimes I feel like I need to tell someone about what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. So I decided to go out and buy a laptop. That way I can keep a personal journal in my laptop. I'll keep a file that only I can locate.

My mother always told me how I needed to be positive about life and that I should feel confident about myself. If she were here now, she wouldn't be proud of me for being the complete opposite of how she wanted me to be.

Sadly, my mother passed away when I was eight. We had a car accident right after my violin recital. We were on our way back home and a drunk driver crashed into us. Like always, I had my seatbelt on. My mother did too, but her air bag didn't work and she hit her head on the steering wheel.

I'll never forget the way she looked. The way they carried her to the ambulance. The way she looked me in the eyes as if she knew she would never see me again. The way she grabbed my hands as she slowly closed her eyes. An experience like that is never forgotten.

It's sad how you can be laughing and smiling with someone you love and in an instant, it can all just fade away. How your life can just be turned upside down in a matter of seconds.

After that day, my life has never been the same. My older brothers took her death alright since they were more mature about it and understanding. However, my little sisters were the ones who didn't have a clue of what was going on. Since my father has to work nearly the entire day, my aunt Sherry moved in with us to help take care of us.

I've learned to live alone since then. Even though I have brothers and sisters, they're always busy with their own lives and they have each other's company. That's what sucks about being the middle child.

"Learn to be alone and to like it. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company."

Those were the words my grandfather used to say. He was a wise man. I always looked up to him. Literally as well, cause I'm very short.

Well, I have to tune back to the present day and stop living in the past.

I pull up to my driveway and turn off the radio. I glance up at my small, but comfortable house. I noticed that the lights are off. That's strange since it's only eleven o'clock. They usually fall asleep around 2 a.m.

I check my phone before I turn off my car. I got two missed calls from my aunt, which means she's going to get on me once I walk through the door.

I walk up the four steps to my door and unlock it. It's quiet, for now. I was right once I hear the lamp turn on in the living room.

"Where have you been?!" Sherry questions as she stands up from the couch. She puts her hands on her hips awaiting my response.

"I was studying with Sam. I told you I was going to her house earlier today." If she doesn't believe me, it's not my fault. I somehow study way better when it's with Sam.

"And it took you about seven hours to study with her?" she responds sarcastically.

"Well, I got home at around four and I got at her house at five. We studied until ten and now it's eleven and I'm here." I walk towards the stairs and she grabs my arm.