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Chapter 25: Lovesick

Dean's POV

Y/N walked into the library wearing skin tights jeans and a f/c shirt that laced loosely up her chest. It showed off her cleavage and the whole ensemble had me going crazy, which was the precise reason I needed to get out. The past ten days since I'd admitted my feelings to myself had been pure torture. Between accidental touches and the time we'd spent together, I had a lot of pent energy I needed to get rid of. It killed me being around her all of the time and never being able to have her.

"Ready to go?" I asked, trying hard not to stare at her body as she walked. Y/N was always beautiful, especially when she was just lounging around the bunker with her hair a mess and mismatched pajamas on her body. There was something completely adorable about her when she cared the least about how she looked. But tonight, tonight was so much different. She looked...wow.

She grinned at me. She had to be doing this to me on purpose. "Ready. And," she emphasized, "I didn't even take a full twenty minutes."

We all walked into the garage. Sam climbed into the passenger seat of Baby, Y/N took the back, and I drove. I took us to a bar farther out than I normally would go to. I thought a change of scenery might be good to distract myself from her, because I knew it was going to be hard. Especially once the alcohol warmed me.

We all sat at the bar and I raised my hand to order us a round of beers. Y/N was sat next to me and Sam was next to her. I hated how much I felt for her. It wasn't like me to have actual feelings for someone. My thoughts of having an actual relationship started and died with Lisa. I wanted it to stay that way, but then Y/N came into my life and here I am throwing all of my reserves away.

I began to scan the bar for any attractive girl that I thought I might have a chance with. There was a curly haired blond staring at me with a seductive smile. I gave her a crooked grin and sipped my beer, never breaking eye contact. She winked at me and I could feel the excitement building in me at the thought of being able to relieve all of my tension.

"Pick up the tab, Sammy," I called behind me with a smile. "I probably won't be back to pay."

I slid of the bar stool and made my way over to the girl. I could feel Sam's disapproving glare on my back, but I didn't care. It had been too long since I've been with a chick, and I was fine. I was fine until Y/N was around me all day. Living in such close quarters with someone I was attracted to was harder than I thought it would be.

"Dean, wait." Sam clapped my shoulder and gripped it. "I need to talk to you."

I grinned at the girl whose eyes were still trained on me and winked, letting her know I would be over as soon as my brother let me go. Sam pulled me away toward the back of the bar and I glared at him. "What?"

"Why are you doing this? Why not give Y/N a chance? I see you around her. I know you're interested in her. Why avoid it?"

I scoffed at him. "I'm not talking girls with you. I'm just in this for some quick action."

"I like Y/N and I want you to be happy for once, Dean. I think you should try."

I was getting frustrated because he was hitting the nail on the head. I didn't want just quick action, I wanted Y/N. But I wasn't going to risk ruining the friendship we had with her. If I tried a relationship with her and it ended badly, things would be awkward and she could leave.

"A friendship is safer for all of us. Besides, she probably wouldn't want to date me anyway."

"How do you even know?"

I shook my head and started walking away. "Let it go, Sammy."

I shoved all of my thoughts about what Sam said to the back of my mind and made my way back over to the girl, feeling slightly more guilty than before. Part of me felt like maybe Y/N did like me, but then I realized that she could never be interested in a guy like me. I wasn't good enough for her.

"Hi there, handsome," the woman said as I reached her table. I grinned and ignored the resurfacing feelings I had for Y/N because they didn't matter.

"How is someone as pretty as you here all alone?"

She shrugged her bare shoulders. "Hoping to find someone like you." Her voice was sultry and I couldn't wait to have my hands on her if she'd let me.

I sat down and we made some useless small talk. It was obvious we both wanted the same thing. We were looking to use each other, and I was totally okay with that. She was shifting in her seat, which only made her chest more pronounced. I couldn't take it anymore.

"What do you think about taking this conversation to my car?" I asked her after we stared at each other in a longing silence.

"I was beginning to think you'd never ask."

We stood and she grabbed my ass and I knew I wasn't going to last long before coming undone. I placed a kiss behind her ear as we walked out. There was less than second that passed once we were in the Impala that she crashed her lips into mine hungrily.

"I just realized I never caught your name," I said to her.

"Emily," she breathed on my neck before sucking on it. I groaned at the feeling and grabbed her waist as she straddled me in the backseat. "And you are?"

"Dean," I mumbled beneath her weight. She rubbed her hands across my chest, over my shoulders, and down my arms as she pushed her mouth against mine again. My hands graced below the hem of her shirt and touched against her tanned skin. I worked my way up her torso and kneaded her breasts. She threw her head and grinded herself against me.

"Y/N," I groaned and she immediately stopped. "Emily, I'm so sorry," I rushed, feeling like the worst person ever.

"Honestly," she grinned. "I don't even care. We're clearly both using each other anyway." She dropped her head down to mix her lips with mine, unphased by the fact that I called her the wrong name.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I-I can't."

"Just forget about her," she said with her well-manicured hand resting on my chest. I sat up gently to force her off of me.

"I think it's best if you go. I can pay for a cab if you need one."

She shook her head with a disgusted look on her face. "I don't need your money, you jerk." She climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut.

"Stupid," I mumbled to myself, resting my face in my palms. I sat there for a while longer as I thought about my stupidity. I needed to time to think, so I climbed over the seat and sat in front of the steering wheel.

"Hey Baby," I whispered as I keyed the ignition. "Let's go for a ride."

I sped out of the parking lot with a lot of thoughts running through my mind. I thought I would be able to get Y/N off my mind with a one night stand. That was clearly stupid. Yes, I wanted Y/N, but I didn't want her the way I wanted a random girl from a bar or diner or anywhere else. I wasn't looking for some quick action with Y/N, I wanted an actual relationship. And that scared me more than anything.

I didn't know the first thing about how to be a boyfriend. There was that time I spent with Lisa and Ben, but that was when I was at my lowest. Sam was supposedly dead and I was done with hunting. We had the apple pie kind of life together. Y/N and I, on the other hand, we could never have something like that. I'm in the hunting life for good. At this point, there is no escaping for me.

Which makes me think again about how attempting a relationship with Y/N would only drag her down. I couldn't think about ever being with her. I refused to hurt her, which would happen in way or another no matter what.

I groaned in frustration. Why did my thoughts always have to circle back to here?

My phone billowed out and forced me out of my head.

"Hello," I said, answering before I read the caller ID.

"Dean," Sam said in seriousness. "It's Y/N," he finished, making my heart nearly stop at his tone.