Home

Chapter 21: Acceptance

A/N: Guys I'm so sorry I forgot to update yesterday! Life got super hectic and it totally slipped mind. Hopefully you can all forgive me and enjoy the chapter. I may update later on today to make up for it. We shall see. But anyway, thank you for reading! I love you all so much!!
----- -------------------------------------------

Dean's POV

Y/N was sleeping and all curled up in the middle of the seat with her top half on Sam's lap and her now bare feet pressing against my thigh.

"Sam," I started and then stopped because I didn't know what to say. I glanced down at Y/N. Usually, sleep erased any traces of pain from a person's face, but that wasn't the case with her. The death of her friend had her very shook up. I was used to dealing with people who had lost someone. Sam and I interviewed them often to learn about a hunt. I wasn't used to seeing a hunter so broken up over a death.

When I thought of Y/N, I envisioned the girl that was snooping in the bunker after we saved her. She was fearless and confident and strong. She drove me absolutely insane sometimes, but I think that's part of why I felt drawn to her. She's not someone I ever thought would break, but she did. She shattered, and it hurt for me to see that.

"I'm never letting her out of my sight," I said more to myself than Sam.

"I'm not so sure you have a say in that," he said. "If she wakes up and wants to stay as far away from us and the monsters we hunt, then you can't force her to stay. This all isn't her fight."

"It wasn't her fight. But thanks to us and her friend, it is now. Abaddon isn't going to let her slide."

"Speaking of," Sam started, shifting ever so slightly to look at me, "What was that she was talking about with Y/N being something you wanted?"

I glanced down at her again and she stirred as I failed at missing a pot hole. "She was just saying things. I have no clue why she said that. She's a demon, Sam. I don't have a clue why she says half the crap she does."

"Right," he responded as if he didn't believe me.

If he didn't, he wouldn't be wrong. Abaddon hit the nail on the head. I wanted Y/N for reasons I didn't understand and I hated myself for it. She had a target on her back all because of being around Sam and me. Whatever feelings I had for her, I had to stop because I wouldn't allow myself to be the reason she got hurt in the future.

We had about two hours left before we reached the bunker, but there was no way I was going to make it on the dwindling tank of gas in Baby so I pulled off at a gas station. The sun was barely up, leaving the sky a very pale yellow and blue.

"I hate to do this to her, but I need to stretch my legs out." Sam did his best not to wake Y/N up as he lifted her head off her lap. She stayed still for moment, but then squeezed her eyes shut tighter when he shut the door.

Instead of getting out to fill up the car, I sat in Baby with her for a few moments to see if she would wake up. She didn't, or at least didn't act like she did. I stretched my arm out and hovered above her hip for a moment, contemplating if I should touch her or not. It seemed almost like a cheap move to express my feelings to her when she was so low, but I didn't know how else to comfort her. Words certainly weren't going to help.

I had made my decision and splayed my hand over her hip, ignoring the heat I felt pooling in my stomach from touching her. I had to scold myself. Everything about having feelings for Y/N was wrong. I couldn't do that to her or myself.

"Hey," I whispered. She groaned and stretched her body, pushing her feet farther into my leg. Her hand rubbed over her face, smearing more of her makeup.

"What?" she mumbled as she sat up. Her eyes were red and puffy and she had possibly the messiest hair I had ever seen, but it was almost endearing. Perhaps it was because I knew how she felt to lose yet another person close to her. I was no stranger to dying friends and family.

"We're at a gas station if you need or want anything."

She fell back and curled her face into the back of the seat. "Does wanting to fast forward twenty years into the future count as wanting something?"

Her words were hard to make out, but once I realized what she had said, she took another piece of my heart. "If I could get that for you, I would."

I looked up from her and out the passenger window in time to see Sam walking back to the car. He noticed me still in the car and, with the silent nod of my head, he understood to get the gas and give Y/N and me a moment more alone. She sat back up and looked at me.

"I don't get you," she said. "You were so cold to me in the beginning, but now you act like you'd give me the world. It doesn't make sense and I don't know if I want it to."

"Sam and I, we're," I started, not knowing what I was going to say next. "We're well known by monsters and hunters alike. A lot of people and things want us dead for a lot of reasons and sometimes I hate that we let you stay with us."

"Wow, that was uplifting. Thanks," she said, turning her face from mine.

"I wasn't finished. I hate it because it means that you have a bounty on your head now for simply knowing me."

"I'm a hunter. I'll always have a bounty on my head no matter who I know."

"I know." Before I had the chance to say anything else, Sam opened the door and had Y/N once again wedged between us both.

I pulled out and started down the road again. Y/N leaned forward and turned the radio on. A Bon Jovi song was playing and I absent mindedly tapped my thumbs against the steering wheel.

"Do you mind if I turn it?" she asked sheepishly.

"Go for it," I said.

Sam shot me a dirty look. "Dude, whatever happened to driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole?"

"Face it, Sammy. She's cuter than you." She looked over at me as she was turning the radio stations and blushed. I winked at her and she was clearly trying to hide a smile. It was a nice sight after seeing her so upset.

"Is this fine?" she asked, stopping on station playing Let it Be.

"Perfect," I answered.

She sank down in her seat and rested her headback. It wasn't long before she was once again sleeping. Her head eventuallyslid down to my shoulder and I couldn't suppress a smile. It was that momentthat I realized I would never be able to ignore whatever my feelings for herwere.