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Chapter 54: My Immortal

You woke to quiet arguing between the brothers, but didn't make the effort to move from your position of laying.

"Dang it, Sam. We can't pull off for the night. I really want to get her home."

His hand that was resting on your side tightened as he talked about you. You decided to put in your two cents and sit up. "We can pull off if he needs it."

"See, she's fine with it," Sam said.

While Sam drove to the nearest motel you kept tugging and twisting the hem of your shirt. You felt like a dam that was about to burst at any given second. It felt like you could almost have pushed the events out of your mind, but then they came barreling back. Tried as you might, silent tears started streaking your face. You kept your palms flat against the seat and gripped the edge with your nails. There was a small speck of dirt on your shoe that you kept your eyes focused on. The farther down your head was, the less likely anyone would ask if you were oaky.

"Can you get Y/N and I a separate room if there's one available?" Dean said randomly. "Are you okay with that, Y/N?"

You bit your lip and nodded your head, still looking at the stupid dirt on your shoe. Although it was hard to see anymore as everything blurred from tears. "Mhm."

"Hey," Dean whispered so as to only get your attention. He tucked the side of your hair back to see your face. "Y/N..."

He didn't bother with more words that he knew wouldn't help. Instead, Dean put an arm around you and slid tight against you. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and continued to cry until after Sam found a hotel and gave Dean your keycard.

Walking into the lobby of the hotel, it was easy to see the difference from the motels that you normally crashed at. It wasn't a five-star place, that was for sure. But it was still decent, and not somewhere you had to wonder what kind of scumbags stayed before you.

Dean made certain to keep you tight against him as you took the elevator and made it to your room. Sam and Charlie were on the same floor, but several rooms down. It felt weird to have them so far away. It made a small sense of your security diminish.

Dean pushed the door open to a decent room with a one double bed sitting in the middle. Before the door even shut behind you, you said, "I'm taking a shower."

"This might not be the best timing, but can I join you?" Dean asked timidly. "Don't be mad for the way I'm acting, I just don't want to leave you alone right now."

You shrugged your shoulders. "Whatever."

He frowned at you and cupped your cheek. "Oh, Y/N, if only you knew how much I hate seeing you like this."

"Yeah..." you mumbled and walked into the bathroom.

Once you were both out of the day's clothes, you climbed into the shower. The water felt therapeutic running over your body. Dean took the cheap little bottle of hotel shampoo and worked it through your hair before following it with conditioner. You stayed mostly silent as he helped you wash your body.

You felt bad because, as the first time doing this together, you were incredibly unromantic. Normally showers were a rather sexy gesture when they were together, but you just didn't know how to give Dean the emotion you should.

You took the soap from him gently. "I'll do you," you nearly whispered.

"You don't have to."

"No, I want to."

You rubbed the small bar of soap over Dean's back until there was a decent layer of suds to work your hands over. The muscles of his back were tight and contracting with your touch. You felt like a zombie just going through the motions. It was like you were trying to remember how to feel anything other than debilitating loss.