That girl

Cuts...

You just lay there, your headphones blaring depressing music. You lay there thinking to yourself how much of a fuck up you truly are. You lay there tears running down your cheeks. All you can think about is how everyone's lives would be better off if you just disappeared. Or you were dead.  They wouldn't have to deal with you anymore. They'd be free and so would you.

You've thought about it alot. For a few years, you've felt this way. Lost in a sea of dark thoughts and hateful words. For a long time you've been fighting your own demons. A battle you have been fighting alone and have been losing, horribly.

One day you give into your demons after a long painful day, full of hateful words. You decide to release some of your demons. You go into your room, shutting the door and locking it behind you. You dig around your dresser looking for the razors you had picked up so many times before. But all those other times  you simply just stared at it in your hand then you put it back. This time it was different. This time you held the razor to your wrist.

With tears running down your cheeks, you slowly slide the razor against your wrist. Slowly and softly you as the blood slowly begins to surface. Putting the razor don you sit on the floor feeling relieved for the first time in months.

You do that a few more times after to release most of the pain. Few years pass, you met a boy who becomes like your brother. He finds out and makes you promise to stop. And you do but only for a few years. Then he disappears from your life breaking your heart, the only guy that cared for you was gone and so you fall back into old habits.Ones you had promised never to go back too. But you do. Each cut  deeper then the last. Deeper and wider.

Months go by now your arms that were once beautiful are full of horrible scars. Reminders of the pain. Reminders of the promise you broke.

One day you met this boy who changes you for the good. He loves you like no one else has. He treats you like a queen and makes you have a new outlook on life. He makes you happier. So you forget the past and all you can do is think about your future with him.