That girl

My True Thoughts...

Most of what I have written in this book have just been random stupid but yet true thoughts. But not this one. This one has everything that I truly feel.  This chapter so to say is the one where I am no longer acting like it isn't my point of view. Now this one is my point of view.

For the longest time, my life has been anything but happy. On a million and one cases I thought that my life would have gotten better but in fact, they just seemed to get ten times worse.  I have been made to feel like I was loved when in reality I was hated. The first chapter of this book, that wasn't just a random thought. It was my actual feelings and it actually happened to me. The woman who gave me life, later in my life I found out she didn't want me. I found out that my mother when I was still in her stomach tried to kill me. Not just me though... I was supposed to have a twin sister. But because my mother didn't want us, my sister suffered. I didn't find all that out until I was 16 years old. And it wasn't even my mother who told me... It was my stepmother who told me.

Now if your mother was supposed to love you and care for you...She wouldn't have kept something so big from me.. after that every second I spent with my mother all I could think about was that she didn't want me. All those times she would tell me that my dad was the one that didn't want me. When in reality it was her. She was the one person who wasn't supposed to hurt me or lie to me was the one that crushed me into a million pieces.

But that wasn't what caused me the most pain. What caused me the worst pain was the number of heartbreaks I suffered. So many boys have come into my life, let see me for the person I was. And so many times did they lie to me, made me feel like I was the only girl in the world.  But it was all lies. I was nothing to any of them, just a piece of a chess game.  None of them truly cared about me. None of them, they all were just liars, cheaters and they shattered my heart into a million different pieces.

The girl I use to be. One that trusted everyone was now gone.  I trusted no one. My heart was locked away. I thought I would never let anyone have the key to my heart then I met this guy. I met him over the internet and I felt something between us since the first minute him and I started talking.

My life changed that day. The day I met him in person for the first time. He really changed my life all for the better I believe.   I gave him the key to my heart.  He makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world.  He makes me feel like I am ten times stronger then what I think i am. He just makes me better.

He sometimes has a hard time dealing with my issues and problems, aka my bipolar depression disorder and being bipolar. I have moments where I don't realize I am getting  mad and I happen to snap at him which I don't mean at all. But sometimes he doesn't always understand that i am not always in control of my actions.

But that isnt what gets to him its my depression. I know it is.  Sometimes there are moments that I get extremely upset and I cant explain exactly why. But he makes things better to handle. 

so there is my first real thought. There will be more of these after so many chapters.