That girl

Your first heartbreak...

Your first heartbreak is one that you will never forget.  You can try your hardest to forget about the first guy, you gave your heart too. But you can never truly forget.  Because of them you now don't trust anyone with your heart. You sit there talking to them expecting for it to be a normal conversation but you could tell something was up. You sit there, tears streaming down your cheeks as they tell you they are done with the relationship. They claim it's not you but them which you know is just another way of saying that they didn't love you anymore. You knew it was only a matter of time before they broke your heart. Your friends tried to tell you that they were going to break your heart but you didn't listen.

You wanted to believe that they were going to be the one that you grow old with and have children. You wanted to believe that this person you fell madly in love with, wouldn't break your heart. That they wouldn't make you feel like you do at this moment.

You sit there listening but yet not hearing a word, they say.  All you can hear is your heart-shattering. You can feel all the happiness you felt in the world slowly drain. There's nothing you can do to keep yourself from breaking down in tears. You storm off without hearing the rest of what they have to say.

You try to find a place to be alone with your thoughts so you can let out all the pain you feel go. You finally find a dark place, away from everyone else in the school; and you curl yourself up into a ball and you just cry. You lose track of time that you were crying for.  You go home and on the bus ride, your best friend tries to get you to talk about what was upsetting you. But you stay quiet knowing that if you spoke you would break down crying again. So they stop trying to get you to talk and they just hold you. Knowing that's what you needed. You needed to feel like you weren't alone. Though that's all you felt.

Once you get home, you don't speak to anyone. You lock yourself away in your room, staring out the window. You can hear your phone going off constantly, but you ignore it.  You don't want to talk anyone, not even your parents. Your parents ask you if your okay, you lie and tell them that you are. When in reality you feel like your dying.

You feel like you can never love or trust anyone ever again because you got hurt the last time that you did. You just feel like if you give your heart to someone else that the same thing will happen again.

But the truth is you know deep down inside that there is someone out there for you. That makes you feel like you are the only person in the world that matters in their eyes. But at that moment you just feel like you were going to be alone the rest of your life. That you would die alone. 

You just feel heartbroken and there is nothing you can do to fix it.