That girl

Give up...

Your done fighting. You just want all the pain you feel to just be gone. Your tired of fighting, acting like your okay when deep down inside your tired.... Your giving up although you told yourself that you would never give up. Today's the day. You hit your point where you don't want to come back from it. The only person you have ever loved you feel like your losing them on top of the feeling you already have.... That your a waste of space that shouldn't have even been born. Everyone's lives would be ten times better without you in their lives anyway.

Your parents wouldn't hate each other as much as they do due to the fact that you decided which one you wanted to live with. Your father wouldn't feel like a horrible father because of a mistake you made without thinking. Your stepmom wouldn't feel like she can't trust anyone anymore. Your mother wouldn't have to worry about her fuck up of a child and her other children being fucked up by the one she wishes that she never had. That she aborted.

Your siblings wouldn't have to worry when the next time they would see their older sister. Your family wouldn't have to be worried about another gift to get on Christmas or forgetting your birthday.

Your boyfriend's life would be better. He wouldn't have to worry about driving 30 minutes from his house to see you. Or driving an  hour home from work to see you. Although you know he doesn't want too. He wouldn't have to worry about wasting money or gas. He wouldn't have to worry that it was his fault that your gone... Because he would never have known you in the first place. His life would be better... Stress free. He'd be able to fall in love with someone who actually deserves his love. And you know that.

Even though he would be beyond upset that the love of his life would be gone and he would feel like it was his fault because he didn't tell you he loved you enough. Or he was always tied up in work that he didn't see you enough. That maybe if he sent one text that told you that he loved you more than anything maybe you would still be in this world with him.

Your best guy friend that you fell for while in high school wouldn't have a broken heart... And trust issues because of you. He would be madly in love with someone who deserved him. He would be able to live his life without ever thinking about the girl that broke his heart not once but twice.

Your best girl friend basically your sister is the only person who wouldn't be better off if you weren't there. She would be the one that would cry every day and every night. Her son would never get to grow up with his aunt. And it would kill your best friend. She would blame herself for not speaking to anyone that could help you better then she could. Someone that could stop you from slitting your wrist or hanging yourself or overdosing on pain medicine so you wouldn't feel the pain you feel inside everyday.

You knew she didn't deserve to deal with the crap you were going through on a daily basis worrying about you every second of every day. She didn't have to but she did because she loved you more than any has ever loved you. You know she doesn't deserve the pain she feels now because your gone.

She was your open dairy you could tell her anything and she would never tell a soul. She was the only person you ever trusted. And she's the only person who doesn't wish you weren't born. She's glad she met you. And beyond upset that her best friend gave up...and is now gone.

Everything would just be better. And you know it. Your tired of being the child your parents regret having. That your family wishes wasn't apart of. Even though they say they care. Your boyfriend would be better off if he had never met you. Had never messaged you on that dating app. The best guy friend would feel like he's worth it.

You had your whole life ahead of you. But you didn't want to live it. You were tired of being the black sheep in your family. The one no one besides one that wanted them in their life  besides one person maybe two.

Sitting back thinking about all the thoughts that you have had over the years. You try to stay strong. Not really for yourself but for the one friend you have that actually loved you more than anything... And the guy that loves you more than anything in this world... Even though sometimes he forgets to show it or say it.