That girl

lost my fight

Sometimes I gotta pretend everything is okay. But it's always worse than it seems. I get inside my momd battling my demons all on my own. Some of the most painful scars I face, are the ones that hurt the most are the ones that cant be seen. It's getting harder to hide the pain. I need a break from the loneliness that is totally consuming me. The monsters that I face, dont sleep under my bed they scream in my head, making it harder and harder to sleep at night. I'm always to busy saving everyone else when I cant even save myself. I just wanna feel okay. But deep down inside where nothing's fine I've lost mind and I'm losing my fight. I smile all the time so that nobody knows..... everything is a battle, every breath is a war and I dont think I'm winning anymore... I'm not me anymore. I lost myself trying to please everyone else. My demons though quiet are never quite silenced. Calm as they may be they wait patiently for me to be weak so then they can take over me. I'm not even a person anymore, I'm just stress and sadness. It hurts but it's okay I'm used to the pain that no one can see. The more I act like I am okay the more and more I realize that I'm far from it. I've lost this battle...For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, it might have been.There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.
But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill myself.There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die. I may seem like I'm okay but on the inside I'm dying inside