Bad Enough For You (Alex Gaskarth Fan Fiction)

Lies, Long Sleeves, and More Lies

~~~~Riley’s Point Of View~~~~

                A month and a half. A whole month and half, rounded up, two months. It’s been that long since they recorded their single. Half a month ago, they released it and all of this got worse. It’s been so long since I’ve actually had time with the guys, all I’ve had is Cass. She and I grew close since the recording because just like me, they’re leaving her in the dust. She and Rian have had fights about it but nothing seems to resolve. Alex and I chat every now and then when he comes back to the hotel at night. Even then, he’s so tired that he can’t have a meaningful conversation.

                That’s what I’ve needed most lately. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cass. She’s probably the best female friend I’ve ever had. Every now and then I get a few texts from Kayla, but I’m not as close to them as I am with the guys, with Alex.

                Recently, Ash has been contacting me, both in nice ways and rude ways. He’s apologized and begged and pleaded, while on the other hand, he has cursed and name called, even threatened me for leaving him for Alex. The truth is, Alex and I still aren’t a thing. He kisses me goodnight and stuff, but he never has time for me, or always spends his time working on music. I expected that though. I knew it would be a lot of work and I knew it would be time consuming, but I also know it doesn’t take this much time.

                Maybe he doesn’t mean to do this, maybe he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. I don’t know and to be honest I’m afraid to know. But either way, here I am. Staring at myself in the hotel mirror for what seemed like the millionth time. Another locked door, another endless sob. More long sleeves, more lies.

                This time I’d gotten a text from Ash, and this one killed me. It was like someone took a dagger and ran it though me slowly, watching hurt and enjoying every moment, making it all the more painful. I close my eyes but everything he said hits me. I should’ve hurt you when I had the chance at that pricks house. You worthless slut. You’ll get what you deserve.

                I knew in a few days he’d apologize to me and such. I haven’t said a word to him since he tried contacting me because I know it would only make matters worse on both my part and Alex’s. Ash hates him, hates him more than he hates me and that’s so much that it baffles me.

                Worthless, he says to me. I am worthless. Worth not the time of my best friends. Worth as much as the dirt on the bottom of someone’s shoe. I reach down below the bathroom sink and rummage my way until I find the bag of shaving razors. I tear open the new bag and it takes me what seems like forever to finally get one. I’m shaking, shaking so badly. My vision is burred with tears and I’m certain my eyes are so puffy from crying that I must look like I have no eyes at all.

                I sit on the cold tile floor and rest my hot face on the wall for a moment and let out quiet sobs. My whole structure shakes and rattles as I try to breathe through it. I pull back my sleeve to expose the cuts of last weeks’ issues. Still scabbed over, and beneath them is even more issues from weeks ago, and so forth. I fiddle with the cold silver and rotate it between my thumb and forefinger. I watch the light reflect off of it and it hits me in my eyes. I blink away the light along with the tears and decide to take off my long sleeve shirt in total, leaving me in a tank top. That shirt isn’t worth staining, it’s white.

                The guys have paid so little attention to me even wearing long sleeves all the time. It is July, anyway. I take a deep breath and listen to it rattle on the way in as I slide the blade along my left arm. I wince and I feel my body cover itself in goose bumps. I make one more cut, and another, and another, and one more.