Bad Enough For You (Alex Gaskarth Fan Fiction)

Her Name Is Poisonous

The way home was no better than the ride to Outback. The silence was probably worse than anything either he or I would have to say to each other. I was afraid to break the silence right now. If I break the silence, will our rekindled relationship shatter with it? I don’t feel like testing that. It’s far too risky.

                That’s what I thought until we got back to our room and he still hadn’t given my phone back. He kept it in his pocket, in his drawer. It didn’t matter where at, as long as it was away from my reach and my usage. I couldn’t hold back anymore.

                “You’re not my mom, you know.” I spat at him.

                “What do you mean?” He says. He isn’t focused on me, he’s writing lyrics. My phone sits guarded beside him. I walk over to him and I’m able to yank my phone away from him. This grabs his full attention.

                “Give it here, Riley.” He demands.

                “No!” I argue. “I am not your responsibility. I am not your sister or your daughter. You are most certainly not my mom or my dad. Do not take the roll of them!” I shout at him as he stands up and walks to me, trying to take the phone back. I stand my ground.

                “I’m trying to protect you,” He says sadly, but his anger rising.

                “By treating me like a child?” I spat at him, venom flying from my tongue.

                “Would you prefer I just not care about you and leave you to fend for yourself? Because isn’t that what had you so upset the past month? Isn’t that what you told me?” His voice starts to rise and I immediately shrink away from him. I look down. “Riley, no. I’m sorry, I just-”

                “No.” I deny him. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

                “What have you done?” He asks, suddenly confused but curious. I walk away. What haven’t I done? I’ve lied to him and the guys along with Cass and Kayla, I’ve made both empty and broken promises, and I’ve hurt myself. I’m just a disappointment to them, and they deserve better than me. “Riley?” He says louder. He grabs my left arm and his grip burns me.

                “Let go!” I shout. He does and falls back, his face distorting into a very sad expression, one I can’t stand to look at for more than a second. Even that is too much and kills me. “Please, let me be, Alex. I’m sorry.” I whisper.

                “I’ll be back later, Riley,” He says as his voice as shrunken as mine. He leaves the room and immediately lifts his phone to his ear as me makes a phone call.

                I quickly pick up my phone and call Cass. Within minutes, she’s in my arms hugging me as I cry onto her shoulder. I spill almost everything to her. I tell her about what Ashton did to me and I even tell her about the texts he has been sending to me lately. I even trust her so far as to show her the texts, making me realize I still haven’t seen the last two he’d send me. Right now, I have no desire to.

                I tell her how I feel about Alex and what’s been happening tonight without fight. I tell her about before the guys even got signed. Everything. I tell her everything except about my arms. I leave that out. I say nothing about the scars either because I know if I do, she’ll request to see them just like everyone else did.

                “Don’t delete those messages, Riley,” She says softly as she rubs my back. “Alex will come to his sense. Even Rian has been off since they started recording that day. Ever since he’s been acting the same way that you’re saying Alex is. I think it’s just stress, you know? The stress to be good enough for the public, even us. It’s stressful.” She says. It makes sense. “I feel exactly the way you do, Riley. Rian and I even fight about it sometimes. I hate it too, I hate it so much. I know it’s just stress and it will fix itself, but it’s hard no matter how you look at it.”