Beer and Spicy Rice Cakes

Chapter 29 - Borders [Jimin]

-something around one hour earlier-

My heart was beating way too fast. 

I felt like dying. 

And I was completely on my own.

Staring at the ceiling, I tried breathing slow and deep, thinking about whether or not I should call someone.

I was sweating so hard, my clothes were already completely drenched.

I didn't know what to do, I never felt anything like this before and it was so overwhelming and exhausting, I really thought I was about to die at any given second.

The tears were streaming down my cheeks and I was so scared.

I didn't even know, what I was scared of, I was just scared.

The room was pitch black around me.

And when I suddenly felt my head getting dizzy, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, where I emptied my stomach inside of the toilet. 

I still felt like absolute crap. 

Even after sitting on the bathroom floor next to the toilet for something that felt like hours.

I was still sobbing and breathing heavily, for approximately five more minutes. Until I felt like I could get up again and pulled myself up on the sink, just to see my completely ghost-like face and puffy, red eyes.

I immediately wanted to throw up again.

But instead, I grabbed a towel, undressed myself and climbed into the shower, to turn on the water in the next second.

It was cold at first, but got warmer soon.

I let the water rinse off all of my sweat , let it run over my face, until I didn't feel like a puffy, ugly mess anymore. 

When I got out of the shower, I pulled one of Jaehyun's shirts over my head, that still smelled like him.

It soothed me somehow, but I still felt like crap.

Sitting down on his bed, I started rubbing my arms softly to calm my own mind down.

My eyes slowly wandered off to the small nightstand next to me, before I pulled the drawer open and took out the plain, dark-green metal-box, in which I knew, Jaehyun had something for times like this.

My shaky fingers were searching the outside of the box for the small key that the boy had pushed into a small slit somewhere on the bottom of it, until I finally found it and opened it up. The inside was so packed with a variety of different stuff, neatly placed in some kind of an order, that I felt overwhelmed for a second.

I mean, I knew, that he tried some shit in his life, but the question of "Why" was running through my mind again.

I clenched my teeth a little and took one of the small bags out, before I put the box back to the drawer and closed it.

And then I started building.

A thin, not so perfect Joint, that looked like a complete idiot built it.

But it was still smokeable.

And probably had more than enough weed in it to shut my head down for a while.

I burned the spare paper on one end of it down and instantly took my first hit, before I got up and opened a window to eliminate the smell as fast as possible.

Whatever every other stoner said, I didn't like it. It smelled like someone who ran a marathon and didn't shower after that.

I just liked the taste and the effect.

I leaned on the ledge of the window and got a little bit more peaceful, the more I smoked. 

I layed down again, and was still trembling a little.

When would he be back?

How long could he possibly take to do... well, whatever?

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down through the dim, flickering lights behind my eyelids, that were caused by the weed.

As much as it fooled me into thinking that I was slowly getting better, I didn't even realize, that I had formed my body to a small ball and buried my fingernails deep into the flesh of my arms.

Some tears were running down my cheeks and I couldn't control the silent sobs anymore.

But only until I heard the apartment door open.

I froze for a few moments, until I felt a tall body cuddling up to me.

I couldn't bring myself to turn around to face him. I didn't know why.

But I felt so stiff, that I couldn't move.

I felt so helpless for some reason, before he finally pulled me towards him and I could bury my face to his chest, completely losing my shit for a while.

I heard myself babbling something and heard him trying to soothe me, but I just couldn't help it.

And then he said it. 

The most powerful, most vibrant memory I had, flashed before my eyes, when I heard my old nickname for the first time in something around 18 years.

A smile I saw everyday for a few months of my young life.

That dorky, awkward laugh.

I couldn't believe, that I didn't recognize it the first second I heard it again.

Did his voice really get so much deeper? Kim Jaehyun... My Jae..

"Mini... I know, why you could play my song so well..."

And before I could realize what I'm doing, I had placed my lips on his and kissed him.

One time, two times, three times.

It felt so different all of a sudden. Different and so damn familiar all at once.

I was completely overwhelmed.