Why Change? (Straight furry story)

50. The Endless Expanse Of Life

I hear footsteps approach the door, I see the doorknob turn and the door swings open. There is an elderly fox standing in the doorway "who are you?" he asks, I say "sorry, I'm looking for Vexera, have you seen her?" this phrase had been burned into my brain. The fox looks puzzled "unless you're talking about the fox across the street going by the name of Vex, I would have no idea". I put two and two together, subsequently I get four, then I say "thank you, Mr..." trailing off "Murphy" he says "Dan Murphy". After I do a more formal thank you, I leave, and go across the road. His name reminded me of someone, I just couldn't draw a line, but soon, I was thinking really deeply again, being sonder, I tried not to, and completely failed, thinking about every single individual, which kicked off a chain reaction of me being such a small part of something larger. I hated being such a philosopher, my head started to flow again.

I feel to give up hope, these monotonous actions were driving me insane, the walk across got longer as I delved deeper into my thoughts. Throughout the time I have been alive, the dreams started to blur into reality. I drew links between things and realised in the grand scheme of things, I was nothing, I was a stone in a pond, the ripples are there, but altogether, I was the equivelant of a pebble in the ocean. The endless expanse of the world had everything compared to my short lived life in which every award achievable had to occur within the lifetime. 80 years is short, too short for any lasting effects. 

I ran to my goal, but without markers, there was no telling when I would get there. While the world bent around me, the end was getting further away, my mind kept making new links, slowing me down. It wasn't long before I couldn't move, realizing that if and when I die, there will be no telling whether anyone else would exist, without me to perceive the world, I'll never know if I was the centre. My dreams corresponded with my experiences, playing a false impression, and soon I didn't know what to believe.

I tried to think, but I was overflowing, I was further away from the other side then I started, I thought and a ring played in the back of my head "something unpredictable, but in the end it's right" I had something to work towards, I cleared my mind and focused on the eight words that I had memorised, repeating them until I could stand, my perception came back. I took one step and saw progress I took another, gradually speeding up until I hit the curb, I had made it, from self doubt, I had pulled my own self consicious across the road, intact. I had many emotions rush through me, I have never felt so happy to accomplish such a small task.