22. {Needed To Hold Her}

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Cheryl-

I got pushed up into my room as soon as I got home, and she ended up locking the door from the outside.

Why was my life so terrible, I caused Toni to leave and now I'll never have her back. I just prayed for her to rescue me again, I wanted her to hold me.

I decided to call and text her, maybe just maybe one time she'll answer.

I pick up my phone and I decide to call her first.

I ended up ringing her 7 times, and each time she didn't answer. So I decided to text her.

Cheryl:
Toni...

Cheryl:
I miss you so much... and I love you.

Cheryl:
I want to have you in my life, I can't stand life without you.

Cheryl:
My mother took me home... please Toni 😓

I gave up the hope of her texting me, I knew I screwed up for good. So here I was, madly in love with a girl, and now broken because I lost her. I could just feel all the tears falling down my face, I hated having to crying all the time. I was finally happy in life. I was with the girl I loved, and I owned a house with her. But I go and screw it up, like everything else. That's all I'm good for, screwing things up. I had no reason here anymore, because now there was nothing to stay for. My only purpose here was to f.uk everything up, and that's not a good thing to stay in this world for.

"Cheryl, I'm going to get nana rose from that smelly old person home. Don't do anything stupid while I'm away, I'll be back in an hour." My mother yelled up to me.

I didn't even feel like replying, I just had no words to speak to her.

I lay in the empty bed, it had so much open space it was just lonely. I missed- needed her. You don't know how much you need someone until they're gone, I've learned this the hard way several of times.

I just wish loved lasted for me, but every good thing comes to an end. I know she will never forgive me, but I know I will never get over her.

I laid in my tear filled pillow as I closed my eyes. I just wanted to sleep, sleep away the pain. I wanted to close my eyes and forget everything, maybe if I just shut my eyes everything will be okay.

I didn't fall asleep, but my phone woke me from my relaxation. I got a moment of hope it was from Toni, but my hopes weren't that high.

Veronica:
Hey Cher, hows everything with you and toni?💋

Cheryl:
How about you leave me the f.uk alone🖕🏻

Veronica:
Okay I'm sorry that it hurt you and your little girlfriend got hurt, but I'm not sorry it happened. And to be completely honest, you kissed me.

Cheryl:
I was drunk, and jealous. I wasn't in a good place, yes I know what I did but if I could go back I definitely wouldn't do it again. So please Ronnie, just leave me alone.

Veronica:
Fine. If you want me to leave you alone, I'll leave you alone. But if this is what you finally want, don't come crawling back to me.

I throw my phone down aside of me and I lay my head back down on my pillow.

I ended up falling asleep, and waking up a few hours later. I felt really dizzy when I woke up, and I felt nauseous. I quickly ran into the bathroom and I threw up. Once I felt a bit better, I got off the floor and I threw off the shirt I was wearing because I got something on it. I walked over to my closet to get a new top. After I was changed, I went down stairs and then out of the house.

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