I'm Special, Bitch!

Crowds

I put on bright red lipstick on just before I left home on Tuesday for school. Yesterday had been that horrible day when I had found out how Jayden was coping about our break-up. Needless to say, I had come home and found it empty. I had gone up to my room, turned on my CD player and when Losing My Religion blared out of the large speakers around my room I had finally given into the tears that were choking me. But a person can cry only a certain amount. And soon, I had run out. When mum had come home around five, she hadn't known that I had skipped the day off school. Quite frankly I wasn't willing to let Amii and her dirty mouth to put me off school. I did want to get somewhere in life, and school was my first step that way.

My mum looked at my white dress and the bright red waist belt with the red wedges and did a Humph! sound. I had to wear something over the top to feel a little better, right? I mean, why else would we have fashion? So what if I looked too good for school. At least it made me feel good.

Whatever.

"Look, I know you hate me for what I did, but it had to be done, alright?" I said as I bit into the pancake she had just cooked.

"Whatever!" mum didn't even look at me.

"His mum hates me. Why can't you hate him?" I pouted a little as I put some syrup on my pancake.

"Because he's a good boy." She finally turned to me and tossed her hair back.

"He broke my heart," I said, slowly starting to get angry.

"You broke his too."

"I didn't. He didn't even say stop as I left him. That's not how a heartbroken person should react when their love of life has just left them. Especially with words like I'm not good enough for you."

Mum shrugged, and I noticed I was fighting a lost battle.

"Look, I saw Amii yesterday. She told me he went to her house afterwards and slept with her. That's not what a good boy would do, is it?" I asked, getting even more angrier.

"And you believed her? Did you think of asking Jayden at all?"

"I didn't need to! She knew that we had broken up. If Jayden hadn't told her, she wouldn't have known," I stopped eating pancake. It suddenly tasted like sand.

"Here," she put a glass of orange juice in front of me. "Have a good day in school," she said and left the kitchen.

I glared at the door she had left with her bag, which had meant she'd be leaving for work without saying bye. Fine, then!

I got up, washed my dishes and left the house.

Other than Sam and Jewel, who had known my true intentions, nobody liked what I had done. It was as if I had become a monster.

But hey!

The guy didn't call, text or email me at all in the last four days. How can I feel so bad about what I did when he didn't seem to have cared? Shit, he seemed almost happy that he would be able to sleep around with sluts again!

So much for my big plans.

God, I was pathetic!

I got in my car, put the air conditioner full on and the music blasted as I drove to school.

Today was going to be the first time I'd see him again and actually speak to him.

I was afraid.

Very afraid.

The day was too good to suit my mood, which kinda ruined the whole scene. But, I guess I had to make-do with what I got, right? Which was barely anything.