i never thought i'd miss the bittersweet, i gave those years away, and lost my sense of taste
...
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The grass was a brilliant green, the sky a magnificent blue, the flowers were vibrant in color...
...yet Hoseok found nothing inspiring to draw.
It had been months, and the little notebook he carried around everywhere to doodle inspirations for future use recently held nothing but a few careless marks of blue ink and occasional stains of dried tears. He couldn't remember what it felt like to be inspired, to move the utensil in his hand until a cramp threatened to take over.
His usual optimistic mood was replaced with something that left him extremely uncomfortable, a deep dreadful numbness in the pits of his stomach. He had never felt something so disgusting before, but now it was the only thing he knew. The blissful happiness he used to possess was long forgotten, and breathing only seemed to suffocate him.
He just wanted to feel something, but nothing that used to make him smile widely gave the same effect anymore.
A sudden tap on his shoulder interrupts his useless thoughts, and Hoseok turns to find none other than his two friends, Yoongi and Taehyung.
"You should head inside, you might catch a cold in this weather!" Taehyung scolds as he grabs Hoseok and attempts to pull him off the bench he had chosen to sit on.
Yoongi gives Taehyung a glaring look. "Wrong season, you idiot. It's summer. Have you been taking drugs that I wasn't aware of? If so, tell me right now or else I'll-"
Hoseok grumbles slightly and returns his gaze to the sketchbook in front of him, frowning at the empty page.
"I'll get off this bench when this paper is filled with a sketch. Right now it still looks like Yoongi."
"What the hell do you mean by that?"
"He means that it's fucking summer and you still look as pale as a ghost. Maybe if you didn't stay inside all day and actually moved your ass once in a while-"
"I'm outside right now, am I not?"
Hoseok closes his eyes and squeezes them shut tightly, beneath his eyelids were a warm shades of red because of the way the sun shone on his face.
The bickering suddenly stops and Yoongi frowns as he stares at the expression of his friend. Slowly, he reaches out to smooth Hoseok's hair in an unspoken form of comfort and care. He really didn't know what to do. After countless weeks of trying to cheer Hoseok up, nothing seemed to faze him at all.
Taehyung and Yoongi share a look before Hoseok opens his eyes again. He shields his face with his hands and exhales slightly. "How did you guys even find me here?"
Taehyung tilts his head and shrugs. "Actually, Yoongi and I were going to the park already when we noticed that you looked pretty familiar. A moping boy with blonde hair and a sketchbook is a little hard to miss."
Hoseok forces himself to smile at their effort to make him feel better. However, he only feels worse when Taehyung falls for the act, his eyes brightening slightly.
"On second thought, I really can't draw anything. I think I'll just grab something to eat and then head back to my apartment."
Yoongi sighs. "Alright, but if you need anything, give us a call, okay Hobi?"
He nods and slowly closes his sketchbook. "By the way, what exactly did you guys want to do at the park?" He questions suspiciously.
Taehyung holds a finger up to his lips. "We're going to watch the dogs," He whispers quietly. "Yoongi won't let me keep a pet because he says I'm not responsible enough."
Yoongi groans. "This kid wants to go stalk dogs and I 'have' to tag along."
"Well, you should've thought about that before you told me I couldn't keep one. This is the consequence." Taehyung sings sweetly.
The two were roommates. Countless times, they had offered to rent an apartment with Hoseok instead, but he continued to decline.
Not only did he kind of enjoy living alone, he also knew he needed his own space. Being an artist left him with nothing but hundreds of art supplies, papers, and canvases.
For some reason, he knew his creative mess would soon drive them- especially Yoongi- insane, so to save them from that, he refused.
Of course, there were times where he craved nothing but comfort and company, but that could always be fixed by simply entering their apartment since they'd given him a key as well. Their door was always open to him, and he was so thankful for that.
Hoseok chuckles. "Well, I'll leave you guys to it then."
When he's a good distance away from them, he lets the smile he was wearing slowly slip off his face. He knew his friends were worried about him. He so desperately wished to become that goofy, sunshiney person who loved to laugh and make others laugh as well.
The truth was, however, that he'd been feeling down for a long while. It was just weeks ago that he was eventually unable to pretend he was okay in front of his friends.
Hoseok sighs and looks up at the small cafe he was nearing. He notices the chalkboard sign with pretty handwriting and skims over the menu for the day. Whoever had written and drawn the little designs around the board had obviously enjoyed it.
The colors reminded him of his home, where he had his own collection of colorful works he'd created over the years. For a split second, his hand squeezes his sketchbook, as if an idea was coming to mind-
-but just as quickly as it came, it slips away and deteriorates from his thoughts like a cloud of mist evaporating into the air.
