minute by minute / evak

04. "You suck at dancing"

I walked out of the school Jonas next to me. We were talking about random things.

"Do you want to hang out with Mahdi, Magnus and i later?" He asked suddenly.

I felt panic growing inside of me. I didn't want to lie to him, but i also didn't want to tell him.

"I'm busy today. I have to help mom and stuff." I said like i'd be sorry that i couldn't join them.

What the hell am i sorry for?

"Maybe some other day, then." He said and went to another way. He waved to me, and i did same back.

I had to take bus, because Even and i didn't live so close to school that i could've walked.
It was 4pm, and his school had ended an hour ago. So unfair, i thought.

As i sat in the bus, i listened to music at the same time with my headphones on. Oslo really was a beautiful place.
But that wasn't the biggest thing i had in my mind. It was Even.
Hundreds of questions ran inside of my head.
What could possibly go wrong? How embarrassing i'd be? Does he want to be friends? Maybe i'd get the answers today.

When it was time to jump out of the bus, i was afraid but at the same time excited. I would see Even like in five minutes.
After i had walked out of a tunnel, i saw his house already. It was light blue, and much bigger and cooler than ours. His and his parents house looked like a castle next to ours.

I didn't even notice, when i was already at the door. I knocked to it, and after few seconds he came to open it.

"Come in!" He said before i got to say anything.

He had only a towel to cover his waist, nothing else. His hair was also wet, so i assume he just came out of the shower. I didn't mind.

Their house was modern, and the colors fit perfectly with each other.
I would love to live in their house!

"Rich, spoiled kid. Wow", i said quietly for myself as i walked behind him.

"So, here lives the king of Hartvig Nissen", i spoke to him as we walked to his room.

It was big, but kinda messy. I didn't care, because mine was too. He had a lots of posters on his walls.

"Gabrielle?" I laughed.

Gabrielle was maybe Norway's worst artist, for me personally. I just didn't like her.

"She's the shit!" Even answered and smiled.

"Oh my God! You're unbelievable, Even Bech Næsheim. Just saying", i said and it was totally true.

"Same with you, Isak Valtersen."

He leaned towards his clothes that were on his bed. If he's going to change here i'll -

"I'll be back soon", he left the room with his clothes on his hands.

Thank you, Even.

After couple minutes he came back. He had on a blue hoodie, and under that he had a t-shirt with a picture of Jesus in it. Even was such a style-icon, sarcastically said of course.
But the clothes looked good on him, tho.

I watched him as he put his speaker on, and turned the volume up.
The song that went on was Gabrielles "5 fine frøkner".

"You have to be kidding me", i said to him as he started to dance.

He shook his head.

I stood in front of the window, and watched as he was dancing around the room. I began to dance with him, even though i still disliked the song.
But if he liked it, i had to like it too.

Then the song ended, and we both fell onto his bed. We were both breathless.

"You suck at dancing, you know." He said.

"Me? You dance like two-legged horse!" I answered and turned to look at him.

He was laying right next to me. I stared at him straight to his blue eyes. I felt like i could drown in them. Suprisingly, he didn't say anything. He just looked at me.

Then, suddenly, he touched my other cheek slightly with his hand. I felt shivers going through my body, but i couldn't move myself.
He leaned closer to me, and i bet he was about to kiss me.

"Honey, we're home!" I heard his mom yell from downstairs.

"Fuck!" Even cursed, and got up from the bed. I followed him to downstairs.

His mom was standing at the beginning of the stairs.

"Hi mom. Isak was just leaving, right?" Even said and turned to face me.

I felt my heart skipping a beat when he looked at me. I couldn't say a word, so i just nodded silently.

"Aw, too bad. I was just about to make some food." Her mom said.

"Isak has to help his mom on something. I'll walk you to the door", He said and grabbed me from my arm.

"I'm sorry", he apologized while we were standing at the door.

"Yeah, i get it." I answered.

Then i walked out of his house, and he closed the door behind me. I was shook, and i couldn't believe what just had happened five minutes ago.

I still felt his hand on my cheek, and the shivers going through my body. I had never felt anything even close to that. He made me feel some type of way i couldn't explain. It was something so good, but something so bad at the same time.

As i walked towards my house, i thought about the "almost kiss" we had. I wasn't sure if he was trying to kiss me, but somewhere deep inside of me i was hoping he would've done it.

What the actual fuck was wrong with me?

As i got home, i laid in my bed and just stared at the ceiling. Pictures of Even flashed through my mind every single second, even though i didn't want to. But i knew he was going to be stuck in my head for a good while.

"Dear diary,

Something unbelievable happened to me today, and i've been questioning my own sexuality for couple of hours now.

I don't think that i'm gay, i just like Even. And Even isn't the same thing as every other boy, he's different.
He's beautiful, kind, sweet, and one of a kind.
I'm trying to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with liking a guy, but i have to admit that i'm hella scared.

- Isak, 24.8.2016"

I felt like i was losing my mind, and i started to make up reasons why i couldn't like him.

1. He's a boy.
2. I hardly know him.
3. He's straight.
4. I'm straight.

Simply, we are both straight.

After i had left his place, he didn't try to call or text me. That made me upset, but i understand him.

I wouldn't choose me eihter.

.....