Bowled Over By The Broken

Chapter 42: You Got This

22nd June, 2018

"...and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect"

[Ar-Room 30:21]. 

Chapter 42:

You Got This

And maybe most people fear the storm because even if they survive the destruction, they aren't sure how to deal with the deafening silence that comes after it.

Anabya stared at the waves in front of her, taking note of how the wind played with her hijab as her feet dipped in the fine grains of sand. For more than two decades of her life, she had been aloof to the comfort of simply visiting a beach and now that she had discovered it, she found herself relating to it more and more. And as she unraveled her layers using the metaphor of the sea, there's one thing that she realized.

People with thoughts as deep as the ocean often suffer among those who can't see past the shallow waves.

She looked away from the roaring waves, bowing her head down as she gazed at her interlinked fingers that rested on her lap, and something about their union reminded her of Shamaaz.

Shamaaz. That one word brought with it an army of emotions, a surge of feelings, none of which made her feel good.

It had been two days since her visit to the hospital, and while her health was restoring, the volcano stayed put, refusing to burst, refuting to disappear. The first day, Shamaaz had ordered breakfast for her, and brought dinner with him when he returned at night. He asked her if she was feeling better and Anabya had nodded, which had been the only conversation between the two up until now.

She was always used to him trying from his side to mend things after all their fights in this three months period, and now that he was behaving indifferent, she didn't know what to do. She may have underestimated him, for he was just as stubborn.

The storm had passed and it was time to pick up all that was left and rebuild, start all over again, but neither of them had taken the first step yet. The truth was, the two didn't have anything substantial in their relationship to fall back upon. Their bond was still so fragile, if not for the signed papers that lay in a drawer, it could simply break. They didn't have a strong foundation to come to their rescue, so a slight jitter and they'd come tumbling down.

And it was then, as she took notes from the receding waves that competed to rise higher with each fall, she made a sincere intention to try from her side. She didn't care if she was bound to fall, but for now she was going to rise above all that stopped her for so long.

Yes, Shamaaz wasn't the husband she'd imagined. This life was not what she had envisioned. If not for her mum and societal expectations she may have not even married him. But, this was a life she had been given by Allah, and she was going to take charge. And this time, it was for real.

And her face twisted in concentration at the thought. Sure, their problems still remained; the damage done was yet to be addressed, their relationship had taken a setback and they had to work all over again but even then, for the first time, she resolved to make an effort instead of sweeping all their concerns under the rug, just like they'd been doing the past few months. This had to stop. And as she said that, she knew it wasn't going to be easy because she was yet to trust him enough to be transparent and vulnerable in front of him but, she was actually going to try, no matter how long it took.

And as she made her mind, she felt nostalgic. She felt like the girl she had been before getting married, the one who hoped against hope, the one who trusted Allah no matter what life threw her way.