Love Online

Call It What You Want To

Phil's face suddenly appeared on my screen, what was once pixels of color had now formed into someone I held very dearly to my heart. His black fringe almost looking glued to his forehead, his piercing blue eyes staring into my soul, a smile that could brighten anyone's day, and that sly little tongue of his poking through his teeth as he giggled like a young teen girl seeing her crush in the halls of a school. Voice was as silky as it was smooth as if he didn't edit his voice for his videos, I was glad because well he didn't need to, his voice was just as I had remembered. "Woah..." I felt the words practically leap off my lips as my cheeks burned a deep pink color, the butterflies in my stomach fluttered like the wind as my heart raced like a speeding horse.

"What're you 'woah'ing about?" Phil laughed as if he didn't notice the complete and utter awe of a state I was in.

"What? Oh, nothing just - you're picture was a little fuzzy but it's better now," Trying to cover up the fact that the most beautiful man was talking to me was as easy as taming a demon. "So, umm... Happy birthday Phil! How's your day going so far?" 

A soft smile formed on Phil's lips, "Actually it's going good so far, to be honest, it's kind of been boring and slow but I've gotten lots of calls from family wishing me a good day." He paused for a moment, his eyes staring at me, cheeks tinted with a soft pink blush. "Woah..." He mumbled. 

The heat began to once again rise to my cheeks as they burned a much brighter pink, "W-what are you 'woah'ing?" I blushed as I ran my thin fingers through my fringe to attempt to fix it. 

"Oh, nothing just - um... You have a nice place there Dan, are you happier on your own?" As much as I wanted to say, yes, I couldn't because I couldn't lie to him about this, but I needed to, it was his day after all and no amount of questions would make me ruin it for him. 

"Actually, I thought I was going to hate it but I really enjoy it, I mean sure, I miss Adrian, Kyle, Rachel, and Sydney as well as my parents but I suppose in the end I have to look out for myself right?" I felt my heart ache, I did indeed miss them but I couldn't keep putting myself in those unhealthy positions, right? Phil sighed, my eyes met his, the slight glimpse of tears in his tears confused me. Was he crying? Why? Because of me? The situation I was in? "Phil? Are you okay? What's wrong?" 

His eyes widened and he moved to rub his eyes quickly, "What? Yeah, I'm okay everything's good." I nodded, did I believe him? No. I knew he was lying, but I also knew Phil was the kind of person who didn't like to keep things bottled up, if it was that important to cause him to cry, one way or another he'd say. A quiet silence filled the air as we both sat there, looking into the screens at one another until Phil smiled, "Dan, I can't lie very well," I snorted and Phil giggled, "Yes, I-I was crying I suppose you could say, but I mean it just makes me so mad and well sad to know and see the situation you're in. I think - and I mean no nothing towards your parents well kind of but - I don't know, how can they do that to you? I just... I don't understand." 

Shakingly I sighed, everything Phil said was accurate, to the point that I too believed it. How could they do this to me? Why did they? If they knew what they were putting me through why were they hurt when I played my hand in this crazy game? My breath was shaking and my heart was breaking, throat closing and my eyes started to water. "Dan?" Phil's voice was dripping with concern.

Slowly I turned my head away from the screen so he couldn't see me being pathetic. "Sorry, umm... It's just kind of... A..." I couldn't even hold myself together long enough to finish my sentence, the tears started flowing, "How could they do this to me, Phil?! What did I do?! Is something wrong-wrong with me? Am I the reason t-they divorced? Am I the reason they're so angry? Would they... Would they be better off if I-"

"Stop-Stop right there Dan!" Phil shouted, my eyes widened as I slowly moved my head to see the screen. Phil was crying, tears causing his pale skin to be stained, eyes painted with pain, "Dan listen to me, okay? Nothing is wrong with you. Not a single thing. Even if I searched I promise you I wouldn't be able to find a single flaw. You're f-flawless. And you're parents are just being assholes towards you! I mean honestly, they're supposed to be caring and helping you! They're doing none of that! They're putting you through hell and they're too blind to see that!" Phil's breath softened as he ran his thin pale fingers through his fringe. A soft and small smile tugged at my lips as Phil's watery eyes met mine, Phil sighed with an innocent smile, "Dan, you're worth so much more than those people make you feel. Trust me. Everyone has people in their lives that will make them see how special they truly are," Phil paused for a moment, his cheeks flushed a deep pink color, "and maybe one day, your special person will find you, or... Maybe they're already there and you just haven't noticed yet." I was lost for words, did Phil like me? No, I must be dreaming. 

Our conversation continued, changing topics often, and I was even more surprised that Phil and I had almost everything in common with one another. When we finally said goodnight, I thought Phil mumbled something before logging off but I didn't think too much of it. Crawling into my bed that night, everything Phil had said about my parents and meeting the right person started to make sense and what was more important was that I agreed with every last piece of it. Maybe, just maybe, Phil was or is my someone...?