Love Online

Two-Player Game

I jolted upwards, my t-shirt drenched in sweat and my face stained with rivers of tears, my lungs racing to catch the oxygen that was seemingly escaping the atmosphere. I notice the beads of sweat on my forehead and the pounding of my heart in the throat, my eyes direct themselves to the clock unable to read the blurry figures but then as I rub my eyes, fortunately, it's just 2 am. As my mind and heart settled the voices still rang a bitter-sweet bell against my brain, what's worse is I knew they were all true, there wasn't a doubt about any of it. Before I knew what was happening, like a force of habit, I found myself on the bathroom floor. My brain knew what I was possibly planning to do even before my eyes and registered thoughts knew what I was doing. Somehow a routine I had thought I had gotten rid of found its way back to me, like a salmon to its birth pond, it all happened so fast.

"D-Dan!?" Phil's panicked voice made my heartbreak, "Holy shit Dan! What did you do!?" Even though I could barely see him through my very heavy eyelids, I could tell his heart was breaking as much as mine was, maybe even more so. His hands wrapped around my wrists, pulling them closer to him as he dabbed them with a warm wet cloth. Before I knew it my eyelids had completely shut and my body had shut down.

~What Felt Like Hours Later~

I awoke next to a very warm body, my eyes scooped the whole torso, it was Phil. My eyes fell down to my arms and wrists, all bandaged up and clean. "P-Phil?.." my voice felt strained as he turned over to face me.

"Hey, Dan.." His face was red and his eyes were puffy, his cheeks stained with tears. 

"Phil... What happened?.." His eyes averted my glances, my heart ached, I had hurt the only person who genuinely gave a shit about me. My eyes burned as I felt the tears build-up and slide down my cheeks, "Oh.. My.. God... Phil what've I done...?" A complete four months of being clean washed down the drain over a stupid mistaken dream. How pathetic. No words came from Phil, he just quietly grabbed my hands and pulled me into a hug, my face buried in the creek of his neck. my tears staining his pale shoulder. "Phil..." my muffled voice breaking through the vowels, "H-how could I have done this? F-four months... Four months of being c-clean and I-I threw it a-all away! H-How could I h-have been so s-stupid!?" I felt my heart beating faster than it ever has before, both because of anger and dread. 

Phil just shook his head, "Shh... Dan..." he sighed, lifting my face so my eyes could meet his own, his soft pale lips slowly mashed into my own, as he pulled apart he smiled slightly before placing a kiss on my forehead. "Y-You are NOT alone. I'm here for y-you. You're never gonna be alone again.." He pulled me close once more, "You're never gonna be alone again Danny," his soft voice pressed against my ear before I drifted back to sleep, "I love you, Daniel." He stayed with me through the whole night, his hands holding mine, somehow it felt as though when I was with Phil everything pieced together. As if he some sort of magic touch that made my life seem at least a bit more normal than I had originally perceived. 

~The Following Morning~

Ultimately, it had seemed that I had forgotten that Phil and I had stayed at my dad's because before I knew it there was a knock at the stairwell, blinking my eyes awake to see Sydney standing at the end of the bed with plates of food in hand. "Morning boys," she smiled, my mind exploded for a moment before my eyes fell to my chest where Phil laid hand-in-hand. 

"M-morning Syndey," Phil mumbled as she smiled and set the plates down on my desk. Without another word she smiled, winked and headed back up stairs to my stepsiblings and my dad, leaving Phil and I in silence with one another. After what seemed like years of agonising silence Phil coughed and laughed, "So, umm, about last night... I just want to say-"

"Say what?" I mumbled instantly cutting him off, "Phil, we slept together, I tried to end my life and then we slept together. What more is there to discuss?" My words were harsh but brutally honest, the voices in my mind shouting at me, convincing me that Phil only slept with me and told me he loved me was his way of pitting me after what I had done. There was no comment from Phil, instead he grabbed his plate and sat on the other side of the bed quietly stuffing his face.