3:12 am | Dazai Osamu

04. gazelle always gets eaten*

Thoughts about (Y/N) weren't leaving my mind no matter what since we met last time. I felt like a silly teenager, who just discovered something he wasn't supposed to know and who was now excited just because of the feeling of doing something forbidden itself. I knew, that if someone in the mafia found out about my friendship (if I could call it like that) with (Y/N), they definitely would be against it.

I loved the feeling of breaking the rules for once.

When else would I be able to break out of the standards, fears and rules and let myself feel like rebel? Of course, I was never a real one. Despite being one of the most powerful people in the whole mafia, I still wasn't free. I was always controlled and monitored and even when I was acting freely, it was only because of Mori's permission.

However now, after meeting this girl, who was against this whole world and who still kept a little bit of life inside of her heart, I felt as if I took a deep breath of fresh air. Thanks to her, I heard some real music for the first time. It wasn't like those toxic beats, I always heard in night clubs. As I sat in my room behind the locked door with the album, playing quietly, I felt each guitar chord and note, filling my ears up and bringing a soft smile on my face. I could now understand why she loved this band so much and why she recommended it to me. If I could describe music with the word "free", then I'd definitely say that this was what it sounded like. Free, not perfect, unideal, sincere, but most importantly, it was real.

That's why I was so eager to see (Y/N) again to discuss it with her and ask some questions. I wanted more freedom. I wanted more her in my life.

However, on the evening of our meeting, everything felt a little off.

Firstly, It started with a horrible weather. It was pouring with cats and dogs that night, what reminded me about making the right choice to agree to meet her under the awning with benches near one of the shrines in the park or else, it could be very inconvenient since none of us could call each other to meet up in another place or on another day.

Secondly, (Y/N) was late. And not just for 2-3 minutes, but much more. She only appeared after 20 minutes of waiting and I couldn't help but wonder what was the reason for this.

And finally, I knew that something was wrong right in the moment when I saw her, rushing to me as if she was chased by a maniac, or worse: her past.

"(Y/N)...?" I asked her as soon as she reached me

"I'm so sorry for being late." She apologized, panting heavily and passing by me to sit down on the bench to rest

She was wet from head to toes and she didn't even have an umbrella with her. Her hair was clearly unbrushed long before she left home and her clothes looked as if she was dressing up very quickly. But what caught my attention even more was a purple bruise right on her right cheek and a small cut on her collar bone, that was shown a little.

"What happened?" I asked, while my mind was already coming up with thousands of possible scenarios about what could happen to her

"To be honest, it's something, that I wouldn't like to share with someone I met not even a week ago." She replied, looking down to avoid my gaze

I sighed and took my jacket off, wrapping it around her shoulders as an instant feeling of deja vu came across my mind. This wasn't enough to keep her warm or help her dry, but I decided, that it was better, than nothing.

I sat down next to her, tapping on the wood of the bench with my fingers.

"How about this: you'll share one secret with me, but I will share one in return. We both will be even this way and won't be able to use the information against each other since the other poison knows our secret too. Fair enough?" I asked