3:12 am | Dazai Osamu

09. symptoms

It's been about a week since that incident when Hamada attacked (Y/N) at her house, when she had to call me. Since then, I've decided to set some of my subordinates near her house to keep an eye on (Y/N) and her safety. I ordered them to wear something casual to pretend to be just ordinary civilian and not do anything suspicious. They must listen carefully to any loud noises and if they hear any shouts or screaming, they must immediately break inside and protect (Y/N) at all cost.

Ever since they were protecting (Y/N) like that, she told me, that Hamada hasn't done anything bad. He didn't even come home, being too drunk so that he was more like a pig, rather than a human. (Y/N) said, that when her mom asked him why he didn't come home sometimes, he said, that he just didn't want anyone to see him in a state like that. Her mom was too happy, thinking that Hamada was just caring about them two, but (Y/N) was wise enough to understand, that Hamada simply noticed that he was being watched and monitored and he didn't want to get in trouble. (Y/N) once warned me, that she saw how he was looking at her with contempt in his eyes. He only spoke to her, when it was necessary, but he always glared at her as if she was his biggest problem in life.

But despite his deadly glares, (Y/N) was still happy. She was finally feeling safe in her own house and that was the most important to her. We met a couple of times since that incident and just by looking at her, I could see that she was feeling much better, than before.

"I can finally sleep peacefully." (Y/N) once told me during our date 4 days ago "Dazai, you have no idea what an unreachable luxury this was to me. I can finally rest without being scared to get raped or something worse...And now, I don't have to wander around the city until 3am because I can't go back home. And this is all thanks to you, Dazai...~ Thank you~"

I remember, how I probably blushed for the first time in my entire life, when after these words or hers, (Y/N) leaned in to me and kissed me on the cheek gently, blushing herself too a little.

This past week has been somewhat...confusing to me. I'm feeling something, that I can't describe and all I know about this feeling is that (Y/N) is the reason why I'm feeling like this. Whenever I'm with her, my heartbeat fastens and my thoughts become messy. I can't think properly in such moments and my usual rational thinking leaves me, but instead, a lot of overwhelming feelings come to me. I felt electricity, piercing my skin, in spots where (Y/N) touched me and I couldn't deny, that this feeling wasn't pleasant. I never felt this before...

Even when (Y/N) wasn't with me, she was always on my mind. I was remembering all the moments, we've had together and especially the kiss we shared. From time to time, I touched my own lips as I was trying to remember this feeling. I know, that she enjoyed it too, but none of us was brave enough to bring this topic up.

But (Y/N)'s glances on my lips, when she thought I wouldn't notice, showed me that she kept repeating this moment in her head over and over too.

These couple of days, when we couldn't meet each other gave me time to think about all that happened and it gave me a weird thought...

I just supposed, that...what if what I was feeling was love?

Even Odasaku hinted at this. As always, he understood everything long before I did it myself.

I finally made a research about what F63.9 was and I finally new why he mentioned it back then.

F63.9 is the number by which love is registered in the official Classification of Diseases. Love is classified as the mental illness, the title "disorder, unspecified habits and desire." It goes after alcoholics, gamers, pyromaniacs, drug addicts, kleptomaniacs...

Now, I understood why Odasaku chuckled so slyly after telling me, that what I was feeling was probably F63.9...He simply hinted me, that I was in love and it was fine to admit it.

There were no doubts left anymore, that what I felt was love because I've had all the symptoms. However, now, I had other questions to ask...

What am I supposed to do now?

Was it ok for a person like me to be in love?

But most importantly... 

Was (Y/N) sharing this illness with me...?

~~~

Don't forget to vote or comment :3

I suppose that some of you are a little confused by this info about F63.9 but this wasn't just smth that I imagined myself.

You can google it yourself if you don't believe me

I just find it somewhat poetic that love is officially classified as an illness rn