3:12 am | Dazai Osamu

08. ill by you/you make me wanna breathe

After exchanging a couple of kisses with (Y/N) and drinking a little more beer, I noticed that she was already drunk and needed to sleep so I carried her to the bedroom and put her in my bed, letting her sleep there, while I decided to sleep on the couch. I knew, that in her state she wouldn't even notice or mind me sleeping with her in one bed, but despite being an utter asshole to everyone else, I couldn't help being a gentleman to her.  (Y/N) wasn't "everyone", after all. She's been through too much today and I knew, that even this little attempt of trying to take her mind away wasn't going to help much. She will still remember the angered face of Hamada, when he hurt her and she will still be asking herself why wasn't her mom there to help her over and over. 

At least now, she'll also have something pleasant to think about because our kiss was definitely anything, but unpleasant.

When I drifted off to sleep, I still had the taste of her lips on mine. It felt nice to kiss her...I never kissed a girl I liked before. Yes, I kissed women before and I wasn't even a virgin, but I never loved or at least liked all those women I've slept with in the past. It was just a physical desire with no feelings at all. But with (Y/N), kissing was no longer just a pleasant touch of lips. It was something...else. Perhaps, if I could compare it to something, then I'd say, that it was like...swimming in the sea, when the waves are high. You swim near the shore in one second, but in the next second, a wave washes over you and your head will be deep under the water. And when, I was kissing (Y/N), I also could never know in what second I'll drown under her waves.

***

I woke in the next afternoon because of the noises of water, coming from the bathroom. Perhaps, (Y/N) woke up not long ago as well, what was understandable since we went to sleep at about 3am.

I stood up from the couch, rubbing the back of my head because of the headache I got and cursing myself for drinking too much, and headed to the bathroom.

"(Y/N)?" I called her, knocking on the door

In an instant, the door was opened and I saw (Y/N) in front of me with her face a little wet, supposedly, from washing.

"Good morning, Dazai...~" Se greeted me, blushing slightly when our eyes met, what made me raise an eyebrow

"Good morning, (Y/N)." I replied "Slept well?"

"I did...~" She said, blushing a little more "Did I wake you up, by the way?"

"Oh no, it wasn't because of you." I answered

For an instant, her gaze went to my lips, before she looked away from me, blushing more again and I finally realized why she felt so embarrassed.

"Oh, you're still shy because of our kiss?" I asked

"Y-Yes, to be honest..." She replied quietly "It's just that...I know that it wasn't because we love each other and it was basically...for fun, wasn't it? So...it doesn't mean anything, right?"

"Of course no." I replied, subconsciously knowing that it's a lie "We were just drunk, (Y/N). Both of us. Even though, kissing you felt nice, it was only the result of drinking too much beer."

"I see then!" (Y/N) nodded "Anyway, I'll go to let you wash up."

She passed by me and headed to the mirror, before taking a hair brush, when suddenly she stopped in her tracks and looked at me again.

"Wait, you said, that kissing me felt nice~?" She asked, smiling mischievously

A slight tint of pink found its way on my cheeks because of this question so I quickly closed the door to the bathroom as if I was already washing up and didn't hear her.

I just hoped, that she wasn't going to pay much attention to it.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face to try to make myself look somewhat presentable. I wasn't alone in the apartment, after all. Moreover, I was here with a girl. I already looked better than I usually did in the mornings because yesterday I fell asleep in my pants and my shirt, when usually I slept in only my boxers, but anyway, I still felt like I had to look good for some unknown to me reason.

When I finally came out, (Y/N) was sitting on my bed, squeezing the hem of her shirt tightly and staring blankly in one spot

"What's wrong?" I asked her

"Well..." She started "I'm afraid to come home...Hamada must still be there and he's probably angry..."

I went closer to her and sat down next to her on the bed.

"You know..." I started "I can order some of my men to kill him."

"No!" She exclaimed "My mom loves him...it's complicated, but she really does. So killing him is not an option..."

"But I won't let him kill you instead." I replied "(Y/N), you must understand, that if he does anything bad to you...I won't hesitate."

"I understand, Dazai..." She nodded "But still...you can't kill him...yet."

"But I still won't let you leave there on your own." I said, lowering my voice before continuing "You told me, that he wants to rape you."

"You can't do anything." She sighed "I'll just be attentive to him and I can call you if he acts weirdly."

"Hm..." I hummed, thinking "I can't give you a gun because you don't know how to use it and I can't be with you 24/7....What if I put guardians near your house? They can pretend to just be ordinary civilians, but they will be attentive to what's going on inside of it. You'll only have to scream loudly or make some noise and they'll come, even if they'll have to break the door."

"But Dazai...won't it be too much?" She asked quietly

"Not at all! (Y/N), you're my friend." I replied "I won't let that insane man hurt you. I swear, I'll find him or whoever else in Hell if needed to make them pay for upsetting you."

Suddenly, the sad look on her face was gone and it...lightened up.

"Dazai...~" She smiled softly, hugging my arm "You know, a normal girl would have gotten scared by the way you talk about me so possessively~ But I love it~ I love belonging to you~ Even if we're not dating, it feels so good to be important to someone so that they will be ready to do anything to make your enemies pay~ Maybe, I'm insane for not being scared to be friends with a Port Mafia member, but I don't mind it then~"

Silence was the answer to her words. I wanted to say so many things in return, but I was chained with my own tangled thoughts and feelings. But if I really could reply...I'd definitely tell her, that I also didn't mind being insane with her.

(Y/N) was my own kind of mental disorder and even though, I didn't know if it was gonna kill me...I loved it.

And her pink lips, curved into a cocky smile, were making me lose my mind completely.

~~~

Don't forget to vote or comment :3

GUYS OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR LOVELY COMMENTS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER!!💞💖 I JUST FELT DOWN IN THAT MOMENT BUT AHH I FEEL SO MUCH SUPPORT RN

I SWEAR I LOVE YALL SO MUCH❤️❤️❤️❤️