3:12 am | Dazai Osamu

10. I lost my words when our eyes met

I hated today's day ever since morning.

The thing was that, when I woke up, I had such a terrible pain in my throat so that I was going to try and finally kill myself. And I'd have done it if my head didn't spin so much so that I couldn't even stand properly. I didn't need to be a doctor to understand that I caught a flu. The only good thing today was that there weren't any important missions or meetings planned for today so I could take a day off because going to work in such a state was a terrible option. That's why before going back to the bed, I just quickly took some medicine to lower my temperature, which was supposedly higher than 38 degrees, and messaged (Y/N) to say that I wouldn't be able to meet her today because of my health. Right after pressing the "send" button, my eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep again, hoping that I'll feel better once I wake up.

I suppose, that I slept for about an hour before waking up because of the bell ring. Cursing in my mind, I forced myself to get out of bed and head to the door to open it.

Imagine my surprise, when after opening the door, I saw...

"(Y/N)?" I whispered, not being able to to speak louder, as my eyes widened

"Oh gosh..." She breathed out, looking closely at me from head to toes "When, you said, that you're ill, I didn't think that you're feeling so bad."

"Why are you here?" I managed to ask, taking a step aside to let her in and noticing, that she was carrying a packet in her hands

"Isn't it obvious?" She chuckled, coming inside and heading to the kitchen "I came here to take care of you and now I see, that it was the right decision to make."

"I can take care of myself." I replied, closing the door behind her and following her

"Dazai, you can't stand properly." She said "Plus, I bet that your fridge is as empty as it was last time I visited you and you need to eat properly if you want to get better. I also doubt, that you have all the needed medicine."

She started unpacking her packet and I could now see, that she brought some food and medicine and I have never been so glad to have a fever because this way, she wasn't able to see my blushing cheeks.

"Shouldn't you be at school?"I asked her

Suddenly, she changed in her mood as her face became more serious.

"Well...everyone hates me there...It's not like they bully me, but I can just see all the glares and I just...hate it." She explained, sighing "Taking care of you is my priority now."

"But..." I wanted to start

"No "but"s~" (Y/N) interrupted me, trying to smile as if nothing happened "Just rest now~ I'll cook you something to eat, but you have to be in bed~"

I decided to obey, but to leave this conversation for later. My throat just started to hurt more and my head was still spinning so I simply wasn't able to continue talking and I headed back to the bedroom to lie down.

To be honest, I felt....unusual. It was rare for me to get ill, but in the previous times, I was all alone. I had to do everything myself, no matter how bad I felt. Sometimes, I called Odasaku or Ango though, but it wasn't too often, that I let myself do this. I didn't blush and my heart didn't start beating faster, when they were taking care of me. When I saw (Y/N) in my doorway and when I saw that she even cared to buy medicine and food for me without me even asking for it, something warm just spilled inside of me.

This feeling that I was experiencing was warm, soft and gentle and ironically, I couldn't help, but compare this feeling to the pleasure I felt by kissing (Y/N). I never thought, that the feeling of care could possibly be so nice.