3:12 am | Dazai Osamu

19. revenge for the future, tears for now

"God damnit..."

That was all I could say, looking at the files about the next case, that I was supposed to investigate. This one wasn't given to me by Mori though. I was doing an extra job, but I wasn't even sure if I could call this a part of my work...This was more of a personal business.

The case I was investigating was related to Hamada.

After I got a threatening note by him, I decided that taking a little bit of precautions wouldn't harm anyone so I asked Odasaku (not my subordinates anymore) to keep an eye on Hamada to know, what he was planning to do. It was pretty obvious, that he was up to something if he sent a note like that. I needed to strike quicker, than him because I couldn't allow anything bad to happen to (Y/N) again.

However, reading the files about Hamada and his business and also, reading the report by Odasaku after his investigation (which wasn't actually necessary to do since it was just me, but this was a boring formality that was necessary), I couldn't say sadly, that these were good news.

"What's wrong, Dazai?" (Y/N) asked me suddenly, sitting next to me on the couch and hugging my arm gently "You have such a gloomy face and you seem to be quite stressed. You worked in the office and now you're working at home...I'm worried."

"I'm just reading about Hamada right now..." I sighed, holding the reports with one hand, while pulling (Y/N) closer to my chest with my other hand "And the information that I'm finding out is not nice."

"What's wrong?" She questioned, wrapping her hands around my torso

"Well... for example, did you know that he's already been in jail 2 times?" I replied "He's been in the dirty business of drug dealing ever since his years in high school and he's had numerous problems with other gangs, dealers and even more serious organizations like Cosa Nostra, Yakuza and, as you know, Port Mafia. The thing is that he often steals drugs from other organizations or dealers and then, sells it on his own, what causes him problems."

"I wonder, where did my mom even managed to find such a.... "gift" to our family." She mumbled into my chest

"Who knows." I shrugged my shoulders, before proceeding with reading a report "He's the worst gift ever though. Because of his business with drugs, he often tries his own products if you know what I mean. He's not just an alcoholic, but a drug addict as well. Moreover, Odasaku found out that he was diagnosed with a bipolar disorder since he was 18." I made a small pause, putting the report down for a while "Also, Odasaku didn't mention it in the report, but after I asked him to get into your old house to find more clues about Hamada's possible plan, Odasaku found lots of sedatives, but Hamada obviously didn't bother taking them."

"Probably this whole business of his explains why my mother sometimes smoked crack and why she was stoned half of the time." (Y/N) said, snuggling up closer to me "I know, that it's bad to say it, but, Osamu, if only you knew how much I hate this man. I despise him. My mom was relatively fine before she met him. Yes, she was despaired and depressed because of the divorce with my dad, but I was hoping that maybe one day, she'd finally cry all her pain out so she won't need to drown in the alcohol as well as get in beds to all the men, she met in bars. And probably this period could have an end...but for some reason, she fell for Hamada and... I just knew, that I lost her the moment he stepped inside of our house."

Suddenly, my eyes widened as I gasped soundlessly.

I felt some warm wet drops on my shirt as (Y/N)'s grip around me tightened.

I wondered if I had gone too far into the details and if I probably had to keep some of them to myself, but I quickly reminded myself, that (Y/N) would rather appreciate an ugly truth, rather than lies, even if it was painful. She was a smart girl, after all, she knew herself that I never intended to make her remember all those horrible things from her past on purpose and that I was simply being honest with her.