3:12 am | Dazai Osamu

14. time flies

"Good evening, Odasaku."

My friend turned his head towards me and smiled softly, greeting me.

"Good evening, Dazai." He said "You're a little late today."

I headed to the bar stand, where Odasaku was sitting already, and sat down on the chair next to him as I was finally able to relax after work.

"Sorry." I apologized "I got too much paperwork today because of the mission I went on yesterday and I had to finish everything today or Mori would have killed me. Ah, Odasaku, you're so lucky that you don't have paperwork."

"Well, I have other disadvantages about my job, Dazai." My friend replied "For example, I'm just a soldier that all executives, except for you, don't care about. If I wasn't your friend, they definitely wouldn't care if I got shot during a mission somewhere under the bridge."

"I know about that." I sighed "To be honest, they never give you any extremely dangerous tasks because they're afraid of my rage if something will go wrong and if your life would be in danger because this would be their fault, basically, for giving a suicidal mission to you. Funny thing is that I never threatened other executives. They're just cautious of me all the time."

"Alright, enough talking about work." Odasaku said

We decided, that it was time to order some alcohol so I ordered whiskey and Odasaku chose calvados.

"So how's life, Dazai?" My friend asked, taking a sip from his drink "Other than work."

"Well, if you're asking about (Y/N) again, then everything's well between us." I replied, drinking my whiskey "She even started going to school again and I'm very happy because of that, to be honest. She took a small step towards a good future. Also, everything seems to be peaceful about Hamada and her mo,, but she warned me about how she notices the glares, that come from Hamada."

"Have you confessed to her already?" He asked again

"No." I sighed "Odasaku, it's complicated."

"It's simpler, than you think." He replied "You love her a lot and I can see it without having to look too attentively and she loves you too, Dazai. You may not notice it for now, but believe me, it's the truth."

"But it's not just about love. I...just don't want to ruin her life with my presence in it." I explained, looking down at my hands, holding the cold glass "I'm a mafia executive, who's not even 20 yet and I've already probably earned a death sentence for myself. Odasaku...(Y/N) is just a pure ray of sunshine and life. I'm afraid, that if she stays with me...I will kill her with my darkness."

Odasaku stayed silent after my words and looked down on the liquor in the glass in front of him and seeing that, made my heart clench painfully because I thought, that Odasaku simply agreed with my words and didn't know how to cheer me up anymore. I thought, that my situation was indeed helpless and that all I had to do was just let (Y/N) shine on her own and then quietly return back to the shadows.

If only I could describe how much thinking about letting her go hurt me. But even despite the enormous pain, I still couldn't help but continue thinking about it every time I was with her. Whenever I was hugging her, I closed my eyes and imagined what it will be like to not feel the warmth of her skin anymore. Whenever I heard her laugh, I imagined what it will be like to not hear it anymore. And honestly, living without her seems terrifying to me because before we met, I was already used to living in constant pain and suffering as if I was used to live without air. But (Y/N) taught me how to breathe by becoming my air and if she leaves me...I'll probably suffocate.

"Dazai, can I ask you something?" Odasaku suddenly questioned

"Of course." I nodded, looking at him "What's that?"

"Why did you decide, that you're the darkness while she's the sunshine?" My friend asked "What if you're the moon? What if you're the moon and she's the sun? It's quite possible in my opinion. The sun is one of brightest stars in the universe and the moon shines too by reflecting the light of the sun. What if you don't have to leave (Y/N) because both of you need each other to be happy?"

"But there's no guarantee for that." I protested "What if I won't be able to make her happy?"

"Dazai, there's no guarantee for anything when it comes to love." Odasaku said "Even if you were the most ordinary guy, there would still be no guarantee that this is what she needs. Plus, have you asked her about what she wants? Maybe you're the only missing piece for her happiness."

I stayed silent for a moment, looking down at my hands and trying to process everything my friend said.

"So you think that...it's time to confess?" I asked him unsurely

"Yes, Dazai." He replied, smiling softly "It's time already."

"Then I-"

I got interrupted by the buzzing of my phone suddenly because I received a call from (Y/N) what was very strange.

Today, (Y/N) didn't go to the bar with me because she said that she wanted to study a little for the test tomorrow and then go to sleep early.

It was 11:50 pm now and she was calling me.

"(Y/N)?" I said, once I picked up the phone "Why are you still awake?"

"D-Dazai..." She whispered in the phone as her voice was cracking and while obviously choking on her tears "I-I'm sorry for bothering you, but y-you're the only one, I can ask for help..."

I clenched my jaw.

"What happened, (Y/N)?" I asked her, quickly whispering to Odasaku that I needed to go because (Y/N) needed my help and after getting a nod from him, I immediately headed to the exit of the bar

"I-I was just studying, when my mom entered my room and asked me why I was doing it..." (Y/N) started, while still crying hard "She said, that she's just surprised that I'm studying because it's not typical for me...I said, that I just want to have a better life in the future...My mom said that we're already having a good life because "her dear Hamada" is taking care of us and loving us and I got so angry that I asked her if he's taking care of us by beating us...Dazai, my mom got furious....She s-started yelling at me, that I shouldn't make assumptions about him since I don't know the real him and that I'm an ungrateful brat because they're doing so much for me and I don't appreciate it...I said, that she's just blind and oblivious if she thinks that it's a good life and I was about to rush out of the house to breathe with some fresh air and calm down, b-but my mom roughly pulled me by the hair into my room and locked the door...I couldn't escape from my windows too because there's a metal lattice on it...(A/N: no, it's not done to imprison her, this could be done simply for safety purpose. Eg in my city, lots of windows on the first floors have metal lattices so since (Y/N)'s not living in a safe neighborhood, it's quite likely that there can be metal lattices on the windows.) T-Then, after a while, Hamada came and I heard how my mom told him everything about me and then, he went to my door and he y-yelled, that he will go out now again to finish some business but once he returns, he'll "teach me a lesson"...D-Dazai, I-I'm pretty sure, that he'll r-rape me because I've noticed his stares and all..."

"Shh, (Y/N), I'm on my way!" I exclaimed "I'll be at your house very soon and I swear, I will not let you stay in that place for one more hour! And I'll kill those brats that were ordered to break in and save you if they hear any shouting because I have no idea why they're not doing anything!"

"D-Dazai...please, come...I-I need you..."

"I'm going to you, (Y/N). Just trust me, okay?"

~~~

Don't forget to vote or comment :3

Guys, I'm just curious, where are you all from?