It's A Fine Line

6: Pencils can be dangerous

"And that's how to find the derivative using first principles."

Jungkook still wasn't paying attention to me as I tried to explain the basics of calculus. It was nearing 5pm and I was tired, hungry and my mood was everything but chirpy.

Jungkook wasn't helping the situation with him ignoring me. I generally didn't get mad at people. Irritated, yes but not angry. Jungkook however was able to illicit the worst kind of fury in me.

I thought back to Mrs Kang's words and wondered if I should let my anger out instead of internalising it. The thought of showing my anger made me nervous because I didn't know what Jungkook's reaction would be. What if he tried to break my other leg? Sure he had never physically harmed me like Jinhee but there was a first time for everything.

I shook away the doubt and tried to get his attention once more.

"Jungkook, do these sums and I'll check them to see if you understand what I just explained." I knew he wouldn't get them right because he wasn't listening to me at all. I wasn't even sure if he heard what I said now.

"No," he answered.

"No?"

"That's what I said. No. Are you deaf?" He asked before focussing on his phone again.

If what I was experiencing before was just regular anger then now I was absolutely furious.
Without thinking much I grabbed his phone out of his hands and he looked at me with utter shock. Shock that quickly turns to irritation.

"You will get this back once you finish those sums."

"Give me back my phone," he said clenching his jaw.

"No. I'm sick of putting in all the effort while you just sit there. You don't listen to me, you don't do the work I give you and sometimes you don't even pitch up. So you will shut up and do what I say if you want any chance of passing Math."

His fury was evident in his eyes. But I couldn't back down now I was too far in to take a step back and cower away.

"Nerd, give me my phone now before I make you regret your existence." His words were filled with venom and sent a shiver down my spine.

Joke's on you I already regret my existence.

"I don't care what you do. At school you may be on top of the social ladder and the biggest bully known to mankind. But here I'm in charge therefore you will listen to me."

"No."

"Then say goodbye to your phone and your chance of going to twelfth grade."

"Nerd, if you give me my phone now I'll consider not hurting you."

"How great of you." I rolled my eyes. "I have a broken leg already thanks to your girlfriend so frankly speaking I don't have much to lose."

Jungkook closed his eyes after my reply and was taking in deep breaths to calm down. He probably didn't want to get angry in a public place that wasn't school.

"Fine," he said so softly I wasn't sure if I imagined it.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" He asked.

I was dumbfounded. I didn't understand what just happened.

Did Mrs Kang's advice just work?

"Explain the first principle thing again. I wasn't listening before."

"O-okay."
********

"No! That's not how you do it. How many times do I have to tell you, you have to distribute the sign. See. The two negatives make a plus. If you get the sign wrong then all of it becomes wrong."

"Stop yelling at me."

"I'm not yelling. I'm just projecting."

"Whatever."

The tutoring session actually became bearable once he started listening to me. Although it didn't make much of a difference because he was still getting everything wrong.

Once I was convinced I had Jungkook's undivided attention, I returned his phone to him. Which I started to regret when his focus started shifting to the newly received messages.

"Jungkook!" I shouted hitting the top of his head with the pencil in my hand.

Did I regret hitting him?
Yes.
Would I do it again?
Definitely.

He looked up from his phone that I caught him sneakily using under the table.

The look he gave me was murderous but I felt so empowered that I didn't care.

"Focus. You need to do these until you get them right."

"Did you hit me with your pencil?" He asked eventhough he already knew the answer.

"Yes and I'll do it again if you don't focus."

Grabbing the pencil from me he breaks it in half.

"I have more pencils," I mumbled.

His focus was on his phone again and I cursed myself for giving it back to him.

I took another pencil out and I hit him again.

His head bolted up and he stares at me. If looks could kill I'd be six feet under already.

"I will poke your eyes out with my compass if you break my pencil again."

The hand that he brought foward is retracted. The sudden threat seemed to have scared him a little.

The fear in his eyes was oddly satisfying. I was never one for revenge but it did sort of feel like payback for his tyranny.
This was the closest I would get to being vindictive. I could never be as mean and aggressive as him and even Jinhee, for that matter. But this little control I now had over him during these sessions felt good.

Maybe Mrs Kang was right.
Maybe this tutoring thing could be good for me too.