It's A Fine Line

17: No flowers

"Why did you... make me walk up.... so many... stairs?" Taehyung said out of breath.

"Do you want to find your friend or not?"

"Ok ok. Don't get snappy."

I pointed to the door that led to the balcony.

"He's probably in there."

Taehyung wasted no time in opening the door. I looked outside and saw the back of a boy. He sat on a familiar bench. The one we sat on together many times. Even though there was some distance between him and I, I could still see he used his black headphones.
I hated those headphones.

Taehyung started walking foward but then turned around, "aren't you coming?" He asked.

"Didn't you hear me before? I said I wanted space."

"I know but don't you want to know how he got the bruised eye?"

"I do. But if he wanted to tell me, he would have. If he ever wants to tell me, I'll listen willingly. But like I said before I need time away from him. You go to him. He needs you, not me."

"That's where you're wrong," Taehyung mumbled.

"Did you say something?"

"No."

"Okay. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Taehyung nodded his head.

"I have to go. Bye," I said and then I left.
********

Taehyung walked towards his younger friend. He didn't know if he wanted to hug Jungkook or smack the boy for making him worry so much.

One thing Taehyung did know was: Jungkook would have another black eye if he didn't have a damn good reason for mistreating Senthuri.

**************

When I went home, I did what I thought I couldn't possibly do more of. I cried.

I couldn't fathom the effects of Jungkook's words. A few words that I'd heard my whole life suddenly affected me so greatly because he said it.

It wasn't even the first time he was rude to me. I guess before it didn't disturb me to this extent because I didn't regard him as a friend. But now...
Now, things were different. I honestly believed he was my friend, that he cared about me. Clearly I was wrong.

Oddly enough, I felt betrayed by Jungkook. The friendly manner in which he acted was - according to him - all a pretence.  Every nice thing he did was out of guilt. And as much as I appreciated his kindness, while it lasted, I refused to be some charity case. Some person that's shown pity.

I didn't need pity. I didn't need him. I functioned perfectly well without him. Now all I needed to do was convince my heart of the same.

I thought my heart was against me but apparently my brain wasn't much help. It brought every single bad memory back to the surface and induced more tears.

It's strange how when we're sad our minds make us think of more depressing things and manages to make us more dejected. It makes one think that everyone is against us, including ourselves.

As tears stained my cheeks and a sickeningly unhappy feeling settled within me, I realised I wasn't mad at Jungkook. I was mad at myself for having unknowingly given him so much importance in my life. If I hadn't  then I wouldnt be feeling such hurt. Truly, I set myself up for disaster.

I wanted to hate Jungkook but I couldn't. The boy impacted me too greatly in a positive way for me to hate him now.

I spent a large part of the night attempting to convince myself that his words were false.
I didn't even realise when my crying, in denial form fell into a dreamless sleep.
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