It's A Fine Line

11: Heights

"Wow, how'd you find this place?" Jungkook asked.

"I was trying to avoid human interaction once in 9th grade so I went to the top of the building and stumbled upon this area.  Literally. I fell backwards and accidentally opened the door to this place. It was used for the school's plant preservation club which disbanded because no one wanted to garden anymore. "

It was true. Jinhee had been bothering me the whole day and I wanted to be in peace but I also wanted fresh air. By luck I found this place. The balcony was spacious and had a few variations of aesthetically pleasing flowers. The smell of the flowers always calmed me and the wind seemed to take away my stress.

Jungkook and I sat on a bench that was near the ledge but not too close.

"That would explain the flowers that are here. Shouldn't they be dead?"

"No, I come once or twice a week to water them. I'd come more but it's at the top of the building and I'm terrified of heights."

"Are you terrified of heights or of falling?"

I thought to myself for a while before answering.
"Hm, I never thought of it like that but I guess now that you mention it, probably falling."

"Why? Death's inevitable."

"True. I'll die eventually but it doesn't have to be from falling off a building. And I'm not scared of death. I'm scared of what would happen if I didn't die."

"Huh?"

"The implications of falling are not only death. I could hit my head and still be alive but not be able to function. I could hurt a limb so badly it no longer works. I could become paralysed. All of those things are much worse than death. Because those things would cripple me so much so that I wouldn't even be a fraction of the person I am now. Sometimes death isn't the only possibility and maybe I'm over thinking but I like to be prepped for all situations. Life after the fall would be too difficult. I guess that's why I'm scared of falling. Because if death were guaranteed, I wouldn't be."

"You're strange. Did you know that?"

"Yes, for a while." I smiled at the memory of our similar conversation yesterday.
*********

"Senthu, how are you feeling?" Mrs Kang asked at the end of the lesson.

"Oh, I'm fine."

"Have you been able to catch up with all the work?"

"There's just a few things in Physics that I'm working on but other then that, I've caught up."

"That's good. Don't work yourself too hard. You still need some rest."

"I won't, Mrs K. Thank you for the concern."

"How has tutoring been with Jungkook?"

For some odd reason the mention of Jungkook made me smile.

Maybe I was senile. Maybe I injured my head badly. Maybe I needed an exorcism. Who knows?

"Things are going well, I presume," she teased.

"Huh? Oh, the lessons are fine. He still fails to listen to me at times but I guess it's just new to him. I think he just feels he's a lost cause with Math. But he's not. He just needs to be a bit more logical when doing things."

"The calculus test next week, is he prepared for it?"

"I hope so. I told him that I wanted him to get atleast a sixty percent."

"Why not an eighty?"

"A too high expectation will scare the poor boy away. It's like going on a first date and expecting the person to propose. Slow and steady wins the race."