Be Careful What You Wish For || Irwin

Déjà Vu

All of my surroundings were fuzzy as I stumbled along to god knows where. My feet kinda had a mind of their own at the moment, the only thing I was sure of was the bottle of vodka in my hand, but I couldn't even remember how many I've had before this. I try and focus at where I am and see I'm at a doorway. Not really sure why, but my hand raises and knocks on the wood.

The door opens with a confused brunette standing in her regular tight tank top and baggy sweats. I don't know if it's me or the alcohol that is suddenly attracted to my best friend.

"Ash, what the hell are you doing here?" She questions pulling me past the door frame.

"I-I don't know actually. I'm a bit drunk." I giggle.

"Of course you are." She rolls her eyes, taking the vodka bottle from my hand.

"Hey." I pout. "That's my vodka."

"I'm cutting you off, now sit." She demands pushing my body onto the comfortable couch. Walking away with a sigh I hear dishes clanking together and running water.

Jenna returns with a glass of water and an annoyed glare. "Are you mad?" I ask taking the water from her and drinking it for her benefit. I honestly rather stay drunk.

"No.. Just disappointed."

"Aw that's worst!" I complain. Something in me wakes up and I remember why I started drinking in the first place.

Everything that was on twitter, all the pictures and tweets. Her. My heart clenches and tears begin brimming in my eyes.

"Ashton, you can't let her win like this.." Jenna starts making the knot in my throat become unbearable.

Suddenly tears are falling down my cheeks at a rapid pace and I'm sobbing out Jenna's name while I hold her tightly. "I-I loved her so much" I cry into her shoulder.

Her small hand begins rubbing my back while she coos in my ear, "I know ash.. But she's gone now and you need to move on.."

"I can't, Jenna. It hurts so fucking much." I cry out like I've been physically hurt, but that's what it's come to. My heart ache has begun feeling like my whole body has been beaten to a pulp.

Jenna pulls back from me looking into my eyes, "Ashton, I know and I understand, but I can't baby you.. I won't." She tells me sternly.

"Then don't, just tell me how to forget her!" I plea with fresh tears falling down my cheeks.

"I can't," she whimpers like she is in pain also and that makes my heart hurt even more. "God, I wish I could, but I can't. You just have to decide to let her go. And drinking doesn't make it any better."

"Why do girls have to be so mean?" I ask like a child questioning his mother about life. Jenna let's out a whimper again while giving me a sad look.

"We're not all that bad.." She says before kissing my cheek and laying me on the couch. My tears have calmed down a bit now I'm just trying to steady my breathing as my heavy eyes begin closing. "Sleep, we'll talk in the morning.."

-

The next morning I have a terrible headache and felt extremely uncomfortable while apologizing to Jenna for my break down. She shrugs it off then tells me the boys need me at the hotel as soon as possible. So I swallow two pain killers and make my way to meet them. Turns out I missed an important meeting and when they begin questioning me about what happened, I block it out leaving the hotel to go out again.

On my way to the nearest bar Jenna calls me, but I decline it. I can't talk to her after what happened, that was embarrassing. Once I show up at the bar I begin asking for whiskey and vodka, shot after shot my mind begins to wander away from the one subject that makes my whole body ache.