Free to Love

Chapter 46

Shawn

"So what's going on with you and Joanna?" my mom asked.

I'd been sleeping on the couch in the family room since I had a full house and the beds were all taken. My mom was up at an ungodly hour, and the noise she'd made in the kitchen woke me. I didn't expect this question as we sat on the patio drinking coffee and tea while the cinnamon roll dough she'd whipped up was rising in the kitchen.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hoping my voice sounded both confused and innocent.

"Stop it, Shawn. I'm not blind. I've seen how you look at her when you don't think anyone's looking. You haven't looked at anyone like that since-"

I knew what her next word would be, but I didn't want to hear it, so I cut her off.

"We're good friends," I said. It wasn't a lie, technically.

She stared at me. Her eyes bore into me like tiny drills. I broke immediately.

I sighed. "Okay. Yes. Something's going on, but we want to keep it between us for now. It's a little soon after her break-up with Evans and mine with Brooke."

My mother's face lit up. "You're in love!"

"What? No. I mean, not yet. Maybe. Fuck. I don't know."

"You are! I could tell from how you looked at her, but your reaction now kind of proves it. Oh, honey! I'm so happy for you!" she said as she grabbed my hand.

"Don't celebrate yet. She isn't necessarily in love with me, too. It's only been a week."

"She's giving you the same looks. But don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Take your time."

"You like her, right?" I asked.

My mom smiled at me. "I've liked her ever since we met when Grace was in her class. She's a very special woman."

I had to agree with my mom about that. Joanna was special, and in just one week she'd found her way into my heart. She may have been there already, though. I wondered if history had repeated itself. Had I been slow to realize my feelings for Joanna just as I'd been with Mallory?

"I feel bad about dating Brooke for months when deep down I knew she wasn't the one," I said.

"She definitely wasn't the one. When you were with her, you always seemed a little uncomfortable. She was a lovely person, but you never had that vibe or electricity together. Your dad and I wondered how long it would take you to figure it out."

"I think I had to have that spark with Joanna to realize just how flat things were with Brooke. Which is kind of shitty, but I'm sure she'll find someone who loves her like I couldn't."

"How do you think the kids will take it?" my mom asked before taking a sip of her tea.

"They didn't like the idea of me dating Brooke, but they love Joanna, so I'm hoping they'll be happy about it. They're another reason we're easing into things pretty slowly."

"From what I've seen of her relationship with both Grace and Nolan, I think you'll be fine," she reassured me.

We sat in silence for awhile, enjoying our hot drinks as the birds sang their summer songs.

"It's okay, right? For me to fall in love again?" I asked.

"Shawn, it's more than okay. You know as well as I do that Mallory would want this for you. You're allowed to love again."

~~~~~~

"I've missed you," I said as I rolled off Joanna and pulled her into my arms.