Free to Love

Chapter 27

Shawn

I leaned over and kissed Grace on her forehead. She'd just helped me tuck Nolan into his big boy bed and now it was her turn.

"I love you bunches, sweet Grace," I told her.

"I love you, too, Daddy," she said as she smiled up at me.

"You need to go to sleep so that Santa can come."

"How will he know to come here?" she asked worriedly.

"I told him. Remember when we visited Santa two weeks ago? I got his number so that I could text him this address."

"Oh yay!"

"You and Nolan have been so good all year. I bet Santa brings you some special presents," I told her as I stood up.

Gracie yawned. "I wish he could bring back Mama. I asked Grandma if he could. She said he has magic, but not that kind of magic."

I couldn't really respond to that, so I just gave her another kiss before leaving the room.

I walked downstairs to the living room where all the adults were gathered. The family room had a 15 foot ceiling and I'd gotten a tree that reached almost to the top. Everyone was seated in front of the fireplace admiring the twinkling lights on the tree while drinking festive cocktails. I sat down next to my mom.

"You okay?" she asked, reaching out for my hand.

"I'm better than I was on the anniversary of her death," I said, "but this hurts, too."

I'd had my parents take the kids on that day. I'd spent my time alone looking over photos and videos of Mallory. And crying. I think I cried for eight hours.

"The kids are excited. When will you get the Santa gifts out?"

"I'm going to give it an hour to make sure they are really asleep. Everything's down in the utility room," I said.

Parker stood up. "I'm getting another. Can I get you one, Shawn?"

"I'm fine, thanks." I had no desire to drink.

"You did such a beautiful job decorating this house," Jean said.

"I had a lot of help from Aaliyah," I told her. My sister and I had spent a weekend getting the country house ready for the holidays.

I'd gone all out. Going overboard was kind of my thing these days. Maybe I was trying to overcompensate, but what did it matter? I was allowed to spend my money as I saw fit.

I turned to my mom, "Grace said you two talked about Santa bringing Mallory back."

"She brought it up while we were baking cookies last week. I should have told you. I'm sorry."

"Do you think I should take her back for another family therapy session?" I asked.

"I think what she said was pretty normal, but if you're seeing other signs of issues, then you should do it. Are you?"

I shook my head. "She seems pretty okay. Nolan has always been fine, other than asking for his mama constantly the first few weeks after her death."

"That's because you're an amazing father," Jean said.

"Thanks, but I'm lucky to have the best support system surrounding me. I love all of you for being here for me whenever I need you," I said, meaning every word.

It had been a difficult year. If I hadn't had my family and friends, I would have fallen apart completely.

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