Free to Love

Chapter 56

Shawn

Before I proposed to Joanna, I discussed it with Grace and Nolan.

"Hey kiddos, come sit with me on the couch," I said one night after dinner.

Joanna had a kindergarten event that evening, so it worked out nicely that I had time alone with my children. I'd made them soft tacos for dinner, and we had over an hour before bedtime.

Grace sat on one side of me and Nolan sat on the other. Before I started, I admired what incredible little people Mallory and I had created. Both were so smart and beautiful, but also so kind and giving.

Recently, Nolan's teacher had called me to tell me my son had stood up for a child being bullied. The bully was known to move on to others, so Nolan risked being the next target. Apparently whatever he said to the child affected him enough that he'd stopped picking on his classmates. I'd received a call about Grace the year before that was also positive. There was a new student in her class who didn't speak English. Grace sat with her at lunch every day and made sure she had friends.

I was as proud of them as a father could be. I also knew that their behaviors came partly from their mother, so I never took much credit. Mallory had always stuck up for the underdog or downtrodden. I loved her for her activism and desire to change the world. Her dream may not have come true, but it lived on with her children.

"I want to ask you two a question and I want you to answer me honestly," I started.

"I'd never lie to you," Nolan said very seriously.

"I know, buddy. But I don't want you to answer me the way you think I want you to. You know?"

They nodded.

"You know I love Joanna, right?"

Nolan giggled. "She's your girlfriend, so yeah!"

Grace rolled her eyes at her little brother. "We know."

"I've been thinking, and I'd like Joanna to become part of our family."

They stared at me a second. Gracie then clasped a hand to her mouth. "You mean get married?!"

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean."

Nolan grinned. "That would be cool. Joanna could drive us to school each day."

Grace looked a little concerned. "If you marry her, do we have to call her 'mama?'"

I shook my head. "No, sugar. You'd only do that if you wanted to. No one would make you."

Grace looked down at her lap. "Does this mean you love Joanna more than Mama?"

I took her chin in my hand and raised it so that she was looking at me. "I could never love any woman more than I loved your mother. But, I've learned from my relationship with Joanna that I can love someone else, just in a slightly different way."

"So you don't love her as much?" she asked.

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just different. Your mama was my first love and she was the mother of my children. We went through a lot together, including her cancer. That gave us a special kind of love. Joanna's love brought a type of happiness back to my life that I'd been missing. She's amazing. And she loves you two, which is really important."

Grace smiled. "I love her, too. When I was in kindergarten, I kind of hoped you'd date her."

"Really?"

"Yes. She's so pretty and nice and she always made me feel good about myself."

Nolan scoffed, "Stop rubbing it in that she was your teacher!"