Free to Love

Chapter 45

Joanna

I felt Shawn tense up in my arms as we sat on the couch.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Fuck. I forgot to call Brooke."

I pulled away slightly. "Go call her. It's fine. You can't ignore her."

He looked at me. "Do I tell her? About us?"

I thought about this for a second. "We haven't even really talked about what 'us' is. And I think we need to have that talk before you tell someone else."

"Agreed."

He then pulled out his phone and called my dear friend, the woman I'd set him up with. I felt a surge of guilt ripple through my body. What exactly was their current status? Had I really just had sex with my friend's boyfriend?

I could only hear his side of the conversation, but that's all I needed to hear. He told her that he'd given it thought during the last month when they hadn't seen each other, and he felt they needed to just be friends.

I could tell from the length of her response and the pained look on his face that she was not going down easily. I knew she liked him a lot. She'd talked to me about it. And I really respected how patient she'd been with him. It had to be hard for her to have waited all this time and then be let go, and I hated that she was probably hurting right now.

I got up and left him to finish the conversation alone. I went out on the balcony, sat down in one of the comfortable chairs, and looked out at the beautiful skyline.

Ten minutes or so later, Shawn joined me.

"That sucked," he said as he sat next to me. He took my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. Our joined hands felt so natural, and the contrast in our skin color looked beautiful in the moonlight.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, my guilt overwhelming me. "You didn't have to break up with her. You don't owe me anything just because we...you know."

"Things were never going to progress with Brooke. I should have recognized that months ago. Stringing her along was a mistake, and I just told her I was sorry about that." He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it. "As far as what just happened between us, I guess we should talk about it, eh?"

"We should."

He turned slightly so that he could look in my eyes. "My feelings for you have been changing lately. I didn't acknowledge that at first. You just got out of a long term relationship, and we're such good friends. Those things made me push any romantic thoughts of you out of my mind. But they were there. Often."

"It's like you're in my head. That's how I've felt. Except if I'm being totally honest, I've felt it for a while. Even before Evans broke up with me. There were times when I'd get confused about whether what I was feeling was just the teenage crush I'd had on you resurfacing, or if I was starting to have feelings for you. Because of Evans, I suppressed how I felt."

"No shit?" he asked with a chuckle.

"That's funny?"

"It's funny that we both felt this pull to each other."

"Shawn, I think Evans may have sensed it a little. He knew that you and I hung out sometimes and that we texted a lot. That's why he said what he did today. I feel horrible about that and about Brooke."

"I like Evans a lot. I wouldn't want to hurt him, but obviously you two had other issues. First and foremost, you aren't even sure you were in love with him. He didn't love you. If your break-up was the catalyst for you and me getting together, then that's what was meant to be. We can't feel guilty."