As the last embers of the Rebellion begin to fade, Kylo Ren (Ben Solo) and the brave, budding Jedi Rey continue to wrestle with their mysterious connection. Rey remains disgusted by Kylo Ren's murder and darkness, but holds hope that Ben Solo will e...
Ben couldn't bring himself to leave Ahch-To in such a state as he was in; blind, numb, weak. After a few days, he found his shuttle unfit for dwelling. Hungry, dehydrated, and clearly racked with grief, Ben stood at the edge of the stone dwellings for half a day with his palms out and his head hung low until the Caretakers decided to take him in. Ben wanted to believe that they forgave him, too. More likely, they took him in for tradition's sake, for Luke and Leia's sake, and only because they could sense Ben was cut off from any supernatural power.
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They fed him, bathed him, and took away his black clothes. Ben didn't resist, but it was difficult for him to be dressed in the ill-fitting vestments of his uncle and dead master. Everything mocked him, and he knew it was well-deserved. So much death in Ben and around him, he didn't want to face it. But if he didn't, his cowardice would have been total, and his mother's sacrifice would have been for nothing.
For another three days, Ben spent every waking moment in silence. Many hours he spent staring at the ocean as the suns made their transits over the breaching marine life. The night brought terrible dreams that rehearsed his murders and the words of his mother. He often awoke screaming, wet with tears and sweat.
Finally, one morning, something shifted in him. The air gusting against the hillside was sweet, and there was a sensation of relief within him. It wasn't contentment, but a stillness. Ben was finally able to understand the blessing his mother had provided. To feel no more or less than most folks. To be able to seek the Force and converse with it, rather than to be plagued with the constant rumination of destiny.
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And so, that day, he walked to the temple and precipice where the Caretakers said his uncle had connected with the Force in meditation. Ben's memories of him were more bitter than sweet, understanding the great Luke Skywalker as only he could. In his youth, Ben was so enamored of his leonine uncle. So proud to be of the Skywalker line and possessed of great power and consequence. But the young Ben did not understand what capacity for profound destruction comes with greatness, and what cankerous naivety lurked in the pure hearts born of un-carnal Source like his grandfather, Anakin. Ben's hereditary innocence had brought nothing but violation and isolation. He was starting to see the nuanced power in his mother's wisdom, and the beauty in the flaws of his family, in spite of their evil deeds. Perhaps even in his own sins Ben held beauty.
