Some Mad Hope (ML, #4.5)

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21

Master

I fucking lose it.

All my senses were gone and couldn't found last night,

On my birthday.

Fuck.

Napalamutak ako ng mukha pagkaupo 'ko sa aking kama. My mouth is dry and still can feel the ghost of his touch. Unshed tears on my eyes are almost there, waiting me to burst out. I look at my room and flash of memories strangle my head. It is clear as the blue waters of pacific ocean. Him everywhere. Touching me. His skin against mine. His ocean eyes drinking me wildly and drowning me intensely.

Fuck.

Sa pagpikit 'ko'y naalala ko pa rin kung paano ang pakikitungo niya sa akin. I can't breathe properly. I feel like I am going to have a spasm. I hold onto my chest, breathing in and out. I need to clear my mind as soon as possible.

Stark naked, I stand up and pick up my clothes. Nilagay 'ko sila sa ibabaw ng aking kama ang mga ito. A pain stabbed me in my core when I started to walk. Tumingin kaagad ako sa kobre kama. I bit my lip when I saw a blood stain. So, that it is. A remembrance of my mistake.

Fuck.

Napapikit ako ng mariin. Why does this fucking membrane in my chest hurts so bad? Hindi naman dapat, 'di ba? For the first place, it was my fault to give in easily! I became so devastated and frustrated! Hindi dapat! I let my heart lead the way for this gaffe!

My eyes burn.

I put some clothes. Pinunasan 'ko ang aking mata. Dahil mas lalong masakit kung hayaan 'ko na lamang iyong mga luha 'ko na tumulo. Tears, sometimes, an evidence of awful pain. It is either will make your heart rejoice or howl. I am on the other side, the painful one. Pinigilan 'ko ang aking emosyon. I tried to mask my feelings while cleaning the mess inside my unit. Hirap akong alisin ang mga nangyari. I don't know if I could erase the memory here, in my head. I don't know...

Lumabas ako ng kwarto. I halted when I saw someone on my sala. It is a familiar figure. Bow head, hands gripping each other, and his feet is tapping on floor, waiting. Kaagad napaangat ang tingin niya sa akin. His ocean eyes flit over my face. It makes me stuck on my place. An unknown spell makes me statue. But a thunderstruck ache hits me in the core, flooding me with onslaught emotions.

He's right here.

And he never left?

I was wrong.

"Maggie..." sumamo niya kaagad na napakilos.

Naaligaga ang sistema 'ko sa biglang pagtayo niya sa kinauupuan. Napaatras ako. My heart is beating faster. I couldn't imagine that it could beat like this. Na tila papalabas na ito sa aking dibdib. My back hits the cold wall. Nanuyot ang lalamunang 'kong magmutawi ng salita. "S-stop..." I stuttered.

His eyes try to muster courage, but I reject him.

"Why are you still here?" ani 'ko, nanginig ang boses. Nagbabadya ang luha sa aking mga mata. I bit my lip and keep my emotions. "You should go and never stay..." buong tapang 'kong tunog. I fist my hands.

My breathing hardens. "'Di ba tama lang ang sinasabi 'ko? You fuck woman and you just go then find another one to mess with--"

Napatigil ako. A bitter laugh escapes my mouth.

"Stop it..." aniya.

"Stop it? Itong nangyari sa 'tin? It was because of the alcohol. We were both drunk and want to have sex. We were both frustrated with each other!" napasigaw ako. I never thought that this kind of annoyance exists in me. Shock, but I can't stop my mouth. "Please...don't you ever tell me you're sorry for this..." I stepped forward. I stride to his place. "This!" I spread my arms. And I point him and myself. "A mistake."