Walking Dead-Carl Grimes

Hate myself

~Lenny's P.O.V.~ (Didn't expect that did ya? >:) )

Vallory doesn't know everything that happened after Tabby and Fawn died. I'm also not planning on telling her anytime soon. The memories still haunt me, I did things no five year old ever should, and I hope I never have to do them again. I would wake up screaming from vivid nightmares at the orphanage as my actions replayed in my head like a never ending horror film. I often tear at my hair, hit my head off of walls, just trying to get the horrifying images out of my head.

*Flashback 2 years earlier*

I sat next to Fawn as her sweat started to dampen the sheets she was laying 0n. Her eyes slid open, then stayed that way as her heaving chest gradually slowed to a stop.

"Fawn?" I whispered, shaking her. She wouldn't respond. Tabby slowly stopped moving also. "Tabby?! Tabby wake up!"

I saw Fawn sit up from the corner of my eye, a sigh of relief escaped my lips as I turned around to hug her. She hugged back, but when I pulled back she grabbed onto my arm and started hissing.

"Fawn!" I shrieked, trying to yank my arm back, but I couldn't, she had an iron grip on me.

Fawn sunk her teeth onto the top of my arm, I screamed, then finally got my arm back. Tabby came up behind me, grabbing my other arm and biting it on the side. I kicked her hard off of me and ran to the corner of the room, then two gunshots rang out. Tabby and Fawn fell lifeless on the ground. My mother ran over to me and pulled me into a hug, she was splattered in blood.

"Did they hurt you? Did they bite you? Lenny answer me!" She started shaking me as I zoned out.

"Huh? N-no." I lied, shaking my head quickly.

"Oh thank god," She pulled me into another bone crushing hug. Over her shoulder I saw Tom, he smirked, shook his head then walked out. He knew I was bit...twice.

I was horrified, Tom would kill me if it meant keeping Vallory safe. He only ever cared for her because she reminded him of his younger sister who died. He said he wouldn't let it happen again. I walked out slowly behind mom, tears spilling from my wide eyes.

"Mom," She whispered, a horrified expression on her face, "Where's Tabby and Fawn."

Mother was spitting out an explanation, Vallory ran to Tom and buried her face in his chest. Didn't I need a hug? I just watched them die, and I'm 5 for Christ's sake! After a while, Vallory knelt in front of me.

"Did you see it?" She asked in a hushed voice, referring to them changing. I nodded slowly, "Did you see her.." She trailed, I nodded again.

She squeezed my shoulder and I swallowed the tears begging to be set free. I had to be strong, for Vallory. She always played with me, protected me when Mark was mad or drunk, which was a lot, and always stood up for me. She thinks I'm adopted, I wish I could tell her I was her real brother, but she wouldn't believe me. I hugged her, telling her to stay strong, just like she had done to me many times.

2 hours later, I sat in my bedroom just staring at my ceiling pattern which I had come to memorize. Shouldn't I be sick, like running a fever? I don't feel any different, other than my eyes feeling super droopy. I walked over to my mirror and pulled up my sleeve which was drenched in blood. Suddenly, my eyes flashed purple. I jumped back and fell on my butt, taken completely by surprise. My door creaked open as I was examining my eyes in the mirror, they were the same bright green as always, I could of sworn..

"Lenny." Someone whispered from behind me, I winced. It was Tom.

"Tom." I said back, pulling my sleeve down quickly.

"Don't even bother, I saw it all." He narrowed his eyes, "Leave."

"W-What?" I stuttered as tears threatened to fall again. Crybaby, I cursed myself.

"I don't want you turning and hurting Vallory or your mom." He threw a small backpack at me.

I unzipped it and saw he had packed me 2 changes of clothes, some food, medicine, a small pocket knife, a picture of all of us together, and some of my toys. I gave him a pleading look but his eyes stayed narrowed and he pointed towards the door. Slipping my shoes on and putting my backpack on my back, I sprinted through the house and out the door. If he thought I was going to turn, then why did he give me supplies? Tom probably still thought of me as the 5 year old I was, so he at least wanted me to survive as long as possible.

~Time Skip~

I ran out of food after being robbed and beaten by a group. They left me with only my clothes, my few toys, my only picture of my entire family, and my small pocket knife. One of them left a pistol, whether it was on purpose or not, I found it and I was going to use it. I stumbled upon a girl, she looked about 16 and reminded me of Vallory in a way, she took pity on me, fed me, gave me medicine, took me under her wing. Her name was Kate, she was sort of like an older sister I guess. She taught me how to shoot, and how to use my knife correctly. And how to kill those...those things. Kate had explained what had happened, about the virus, while I had been sitting cozy in my living room, other families were starving and fighting for survival. Once again, we ran out of food and became desperate. My ribs were jutting out more than they ever have, I was already starving before Kate, and now I haven't eaten in a week because Kate eats what little we have. One night, I was laying in my sleeping bag, fiddling with my pocket knife trying to figure out the fastest way to open it. There was a shuffling outside of my tent, I unzipped it and saw Kate. She was loading her shot gun.

"Um...Katie?" I asked in a hushed tone, she whirled around. Her hair was crazy, brown eyes wild.

"Oh..H-Hi Lenny, just the b-boy I wanted to s-see." She seemed to be twitching, she aimed the shot gun.

"K-Kate...Put the shot gun down." I commanded, even though I was only 6 I had an authority about me. After everything I was put through, I still focused on my vocabulary and staying smart. Knowledge is survival.

"B-But I'm so h-hungry, Lenny, oh Lenny... You could keep me going for weeks. A-And you're only 6...I will be doing you a favor...You won't have to live with this world." Kate cooed and stuttered.

"KATE! Listen to yourself! Are you really going to kill and eat a 6 year old boy?!" I shrieked, I was scared out of my mind.

"I'm sorry Lenny." She whispered, cocking her gun and taking aim.

I didn't hesitate. I ripped my pistol from it's holster and shot. It hit her square in the forehead, she fell in a lifeless heap. I fell to my knees, I had just killed a human being. A living breathing human being. She deserved a funeral. I remembered her saying she always wanted to be cremated... I pulled out one of my very few matches, lit it, and tossed it onto her. Kates lifeless body went up in flames. I sat down next to the small fire, one of her burned arms fell out and her hand almost touched me. I quickly turned around and dry heaved since I had nothing in my stomach anyways. Suddenly, my stomach started growling. My eyes found Kates burned arm, and to my shame, I felt my mouth start to water.

"We're all going to Hell anyways." I muttered.

*Flashback Over.*

I hate myself for what I did, but I was starving... You'll do just about anything when you're hungry enough.