Look Up At The Sky

Chapter 17

…

It's been one week since the funeral now.. One week. One week and I still haven't been back to the grave. Am I a bad daughter? I grabbed my car keys and opened the door. I looked up at the sky and say some really worrying clouds, it looked like it's gonna rain any minute so I grabbed my jacket before closing the door and locking it.

…

The leaves on the trees was shaking and swirling around in the wind at the cemetery. I walked on the gravel path towards their graves with bouquets of sunflowers and lilies in my hands. Sunflowers because my dad loved them. Well I think he loved them.. And lilies because it was my mom's favourite flower, that's why Lilly got the name Lilly. Oh Lilly..

“Hi mom. Hi dad. It's quite windy and I think it'll rain soon. Anyhow.. How are you?” I asked whilst taking out the old flowers from the green vases you can borrow from the cemetery and putting in the new and fresh ones.

I know it's silly to talk to a gravestone but I don't know.. I'm not religious and I have no clue on what's happening after you die. If there's anything you go up or down to, if you get reborn or if you're just.. not alive. Either way, I like the thought of them still being able to hear me. At least when I'm here. I don't know ugh am I crazy for doing this?

“So, anything new on the dead side?” I asked whilst sitting down on the gravel path in front of their gravestone.

“Not feeling like talking today are you?” Silence. “I guess this will be a one way conversation then.” I added and looked around me.

An old man was standing a few gravestones further down. He was looking at me a little curious it seemed like. A little further aways was someone else wearing all white. There was only him, the white dressed person and I at the cemetery that I could see. All though, it's quite big so who knows really. I flashed him a smile and then returned to face my parents gravestone.

“I know I haven't been here in a while. Well I haven't been here since your funeral dad and I'm so sorry for that.” Pause. “I just. I'm not sure what to say. Or do for that matter. I mean, what can I do? You're both gone and here I am talking to.. Well, I'm not really talking to anyone but myself am I?” Silence.

I just looked at the gravestone as if I expected an answer to come. Nothing happened. I just starred at it.

“Charlie's been acting really strange lately mom. In geometry class he acted as if he didn't know me, then he talked back to ms. Dase multiple times, acting really rude towards me too and then after my shift at Phille Cafe I saw him talking to Sam. And if that wasn't enough he completely denied it when I spoke to him on the phone that same night. It's not like I'm mad at him or anything or that he can't do what he wants because he can. I'd just appreciate if he didn't lie to me.

My thoughts always travel back to what they could have been talking about. I mean, what interest could Sam possibly have for Charlie? I know what you're thinking, - he did say that you'd regret making a scene during the memorial at Jessie's house – but would he really..? Don't answer that. He would and we both know it.” I said with a sigh, still feeling a little crazy.

I looked over to the old man again. He look straight forward with his head slightly down. He looked sad. Which of course is understandable, being here visiting someone you know and have loved isn't really the most cheerful thing you could do.

“I guess I'll find out later. Or maybe I won't. Hopefully he'll stop with these mood swings before he gives me a whiplash. If he was a girl I'd blame it on period but he doesn't get that, I sure hope he doesn't. If he did though, that would explain so much.” I said with a small smile and I could hear the old man huffing a little. Maybe he was laughing?