Look Up At The Sky

Chapter 22

I was angry. Very angry and sad walking back to Lilly's room. But most of all, hurt. I was hurt by some of the things Pete had said and rightfully so! He did say some awful things, then again, maybe I did too. I did tell him not to make any kind of contact with either of us or even think about us ever again.. That might have been a little harsh. But he said that Lilly might not be laying in a hospital bed the next time but in a.. And that it will be my fault.. I can't even think about it. That wouldn't happen. It just can't. Nope. No way.

“Hey.” a soft voice said and I looked up.

I hadn't even noticed that I'd walked in to Lilly's room and sat down on one of the chairs on one side of her bed. Looking at her, I felt pride. I was proud of her, not sure why exactly.. Or you know what, I do know why. I'm proud of her because even though everything that's been happening, she's still here and haven't gone all crazy and all that. Maybe that's not expected from someone in her age but still, all that's happened could make anyone go crazy or at least somewhat withdrawn from reality. It is a mad world we're living in. Lilly and I..

“Oh, hi.” I looked up and said.

“How you feeling? What did you and Pete say?” Sam asked with a, once again, soft voice.

“Erm.. Not much, well I guess quite a lot but at the same time not.. We had a quite heated argument and some stuff were said. Some pretty awful stuff actually. From both sides.” I added the last part when I saw that Sam started to look a little irritated and as much as I was still mad at Pete, I still didn't want anything to happen to him.

When Sam first had asked me what Pete and I had said, I first considered telling him all about it. But I then remembered that it's Sam, as much as I'd like to think that he's changed and that he's a better person, I still need to be smart. He did take Lilly away from me for weeks, maybe even months. I can't quite remember how long it's been right now, too much going on in my head. Lilly at the hospital, Sam being nice, Pete being a PMSing bitch, school, work.. Ugh I don't know how I'm doing this if I'm being honest.

“Want me to have a talk with him?” Sam asked, judging by his eyes and body language I could tell he was serious. His eyes had gone a little darker than it's natural colour, and his body language was tough, he was sitting far out on the chair as if he was waiting for a signal to run out to his car and drive to Pete's house at any second. He seemed.. protective?

“What are you doing Sam? Why are you so nice all of a sudden?” I just asked.

“I told you, Lilly being at the hospital made me reflect over my actions. It's made me realise that I've been an ass..”

“To say the least.” I cut him off.

“Right.. The point is I've come to realise that I've been a complete shit friend, boyfriend, well, person overall.” He continued. “I've also realised that I still have feelings for you. Feelings for you like I had when we first started going out. Remember all the fun things we did?” He asked, giving me that adorable half smile of his, his eyes back to his light blue colour. I have a thing for light blue eyes..

“You're taking a really massive turn though. From being a huge douche to a kinda nice guy.. You do realise that I can't trust you. At least not for now.” I slowly say.

“I know, and I understand that. I just want you to understand that I will do everything I can for us to be us again. For everything to go back to normal again. Before all this shit happened. I just want you try and give me a chance. Another chance I mean.” He said looking in to my eyes.

“Back to normal..? Sam, not to be mean or anything but our – normal – wasn't good. Us being normal was you beating with you minions watching and sometimes joining you. We haven't had a healthy relationship in years. And about me giving you another chance.. I don't know.” I paused, looking over at Lilly, I thought I saw her moving a little. “All the shit that's been happening, well most of it have been of your making. I don't think I can just let all of that slip away no mater what you do to try and mend things. There's just too much. I'm sorry.” I looked over at him again and he looked hurt by my words.

“I know, I know and I'm sorry. I will make it up to you though. Well, as much as I can anyway. If you don't blow me off then that'd make things a lot easier. Not that you are, I'm just saying.” Sam added the last part fast and a little nervous. For a second I thought I had caught a glimpse on the Sam O'Donnell I once knew.

“I won't.. I'll try not to.”

A smile. I had given him a small smile whilst saying that. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal but now thinking back, I think that gave him the green light in a way. If only I had known about it there and then..

“Good. I mean thanks, that's all I can ask for.” He said and I swear I saw a little smirk showing on his face.

I should have known.

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A/N - please read

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY i always start my A/N like this.. sorry.. I KNOW i said I was going to post two chapters per week and that didn't even happen once. The thing is this, the first weeks I got (and I still will be) very busy with school. Now the latest 1-2 weeks I've noticed that I've gone back to bad habbits. I'm not sure how much you know about me but when I was around 8-9 i started to develop an eating disorder, I'm now 18. I've been to a ED facility last year but I quit due to me stressing out too much about school and I also had some other things I had to talk to a specialist about. I felt like it all just became too much for me to handle at the same time.

For around 2-3 months (which is a lot longer than the other times) I was back on track. I was eating a lot better and didn't get anxiety and panic attacks as much as i used to. But as previously mentioned, the past couple of weeks I've fallen back to old and bad habbits. My eating habbits is barly even there, anxiety and really bad thoughts (hard to explain) have come back. I've also started to get panic attacks (not real bad ones though) more frequently(?).

I know there's at least some of you who seem to really likeing reading my book which is incredible! I'm so happy someone actually likes what i write, other than my mom that is.. So i feel like I should give you a "good" reason as why I'm not posting as frequently as I should be. I've felt and still feeling really bad emotionally and metally, the good thing is that I now have more inspiration to wrtie so maybe it's a good thing in a way.

I don't know if you care about any of what I've just said, and you don't have to because 1. that's not what I want from this, i just want you to know why i'm not updating so much. 2. well you just don't have to.

Other than that, THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH for over 2.5k reads!! That is so AMAZING and I'm so happy WOW :D Also thank you for still being here, reading after all this time. you have no idea how much that means to me, so Thank You :') xx

Please share with me your thoughts of this chapter, I love reading them :D Love you guys so much xx thanks again :*

PS. what do you think about the new art cover? ^^