jace

April: Secondary Kisses and Goodbyes

Rewriting this later.

saturday

Eli's band was having their first big show and he wanted me to attend and the only person I wanted to invite was Elizabeth. I really didn't understand why I'd chosen her over Garrett or Jacob, I guess I just had a feeling.

"Hello?"

I just listened for awhile, to the sound of her breathing, to the TV playing in the background. "It's me...it's jace."

"I know."

"My sister's boyfriend is having a show and I don't want to go alone so...do you think you'll be able to go?"

"...Where is it?"

Elizabeth found a way to look better and better each time I saw her. she was wearing a giant hoodie and dark black jeans and her eyes looked gorgeous. She smiled when she saw me, but it was a tight lipped heavy smile, one that only appeared after fighting through lots of frustration and doubt. And I silently wondered what was going on in her mind, without building up enough courage to actually ask.

"Hi jace."

"Hi."

We walked into the crowded space and pushed through the mass of people to the front. There were blasts of bright neon lights before each member of the band walked out. Eli was the on the far left with a blue and white bass in his hands. The music that enveloped the entire room was a mix of rock and folk, with the mellow carelessness of country. Eli's band had somehow managed to create a genre all their own.

And even with the exciting atmosphere and vibrant music, Elizabeth still claimed my attention. The way her eyes shone brightly under the neon lights, the way her lips curled into the biggest, brightest smile I'd seen in a long time. A smile bright enough to blind a thousand men. And after the show was over I heard myself ask Elizabeth, "Are you happy?"

She stared at me blankly for a moment as we shuffled out of the performance area with tens of others, "Why do you ask?"

"You said you were happy when I first met you, but you're not the same as you were then."

She tucked her hands in her pockets and smiled to herself. "That's because I didn't know you yet."

And before I could respond she grabbed my arm pulled me into the parking lot. We passed where people hadn't yet reached. "Do you remember the email you sent me about kissing Alana?"

I nodded, that was the toughest email I'd ever typed, I'd read it over at least 26 times--I'd lost count after that.

"Did you mean what you said?"

My voice lowered a bit, "Of course I did."

"We can't change the past jace," she said. "You kissed her first and that's how it will always be. But you can kiss me second."

It was dark out, the only things lighting the parking lot were meandering street lamps and stars in the sky. The only things I could see of Elizabeth was her outline, the subtle shrug of her shoulders as she said, "Only if you want to."

Of course I wanted to, it was what I wanted most at that moment. I took a deep break to calm my dancing nerves and placed my hands on either side of her face, feeling the blood rush the skin under her cheeks. I mapped out her face with my mind and my eyes snapped shut and I leaned in until i felt her lips press against mine.

And it wasn't a simple press of flesh as the first had been. Our lips were meeting for the first time as it quickly escalated from something innocent to something more. Our lips moved together as our bodies pressed closer and closer and I was surprised that I seemed to know exactly what to do.

And our teeth clinked together and she was gripping onto my shirt and though I was long since breathless, we didn't have any intention of stopping--breathing didn't seem that important anyway.

And just as she let out a content sigh, the light nearest to us flickered on and we broke apart as if we'd been caught doing something forbidden. I looked up at the light and then looked at Elizabeth who was staring at the lamp post, her swollen lips parted slightly. The small bit of innocence that skirted across her features made her that much more attractive, or maybe I was just experiencing a rush of emotion that I couldn't identify or control.

"jace?" I heard my sister calling, she was wandering trough the parking lot with her arms crossed.

Elizabeth slipped her small hand into mine as we walked up to my sister and waved me back toward the building.

monday

Mr. Searly was pacing when I walked into his classroom, looking like he was deep in thought. He seemed a little discombobulated as well, as if he wasn't as calm as normal. "Good morning Mr. Searly."

He looked up at me with wide eyes, his expression softening when he realized who I was. "Good morning jace, just the man I wanted to see."

I smiled and sat in my usual spot, taking out my lunch box. "Why's that?"

"You may not know this," he sat in the chair next to me. "But you've influenced a lot of my decisions over the past two years or so."

"Oh."

"We're a lot alike, you and I--and I wish that I'd had someone to talk to when I was your age. And I realized that I want to help people like you--people like us. So," he took a deep breath and smiled. "In June, as soon as school is over, I'll be working full time at Nebraska Psychiatric Hospital."

I nodded retrieving the bag of apples and sliding them across the table. "That's really cool."

"And that means that I wont work here next year," he was speaking in slow and careful words as if I'd start screaming at the walls at any moment.

I nodded again, "I understand.

He then went on to say that he'd completed his residency by working their part time and he'd finally been certified. I asked why he was telling me. "Because you're my favorite student."

I smiled, because I had never been anyone's favorite anything.