jace

April: Letters and Questions

This sucks, I'm sorry. I finally remembered to write this after a long day of studying...sorry. I'm posting a new story called Hall & Oates, if you guys could take a look at it (in your spare time or whatever) I'd really appreciate it. It's very different from jace...VERY different, but I think you'll still like it. If not, that's okay too. Thank you so much for reading. x

tuesday
I was only allowed to work at the reception desk at Nebraska Psychiatric Hospital, I assumed that it was because Elizabeth was staying there "until further notice." I really didn't think it was necessary to confine me to the lobby area, Elizabeth didn't want to see me most of the time anyway, things were a lot worse than last time. Dr. Searly and I still had lunch together everyday and swapped fruit and it was one of the only things that remained the same.

I had been spending more time with my father, he just wasn't the same. I think that my mother getting married was the final straw and something within him broke. He looked like he didn't want to try anymore. Courtney told me that we had to do whatever we could to "put him back together." But my father didn't want to be put back together. He wanted to sleep, Dr. Searly called it his "coping technique."

My mother sent a wedding invitation to our house. It was embossed and glittery and you would never know the she and dr. carmichael were such a ridiculous pair of people by the photo on the back. I remembered Eizabeth telling me that pictures were like time machines, they showed us how happy we used to be, the people and circumstances that had made us that way. Theyy represented "unreachable happiness," because "if it was normal happiness, we wouldn't feel the need to take a picutre, right jace?"

And despite the fact that she had entirely ruined my family, I decided to go.

saturday
Even though Cournteyand my mother had apologized and things were okay, she wouldn't go to the wedding with me. I went with Jacob and Garrett instead. I don't think the three of us had ever been so nicely dressed in all of our lives. We all wore pressed suits and button down shirts with stiff collars. We sat at the very back of the church and and waited silently until the ceremony started, none of us knew exactly what to say.

dr, carmichael stood near the alter with his hands folded and sweat crowding his hairline. And the pianist began to play a song that trotted and bounced and my mom came through the door and down the aisle.

"That's your mom?" Jacob asked, his jaw dropping down to the floor. "She looks fucking ho-"

Garrett reached behind me and slapped Jacob in the head.

I didn't want to admit it, but she looked beautiful and happy, everything that a bride should be.

We didn't stay long after the ceremony, after we congratulated my mom and watched her cry because I'd decided to come--which I don't understand, why was she crying?--we left.

When I got home Eli was sitting at the kitchen table and Courtney was pacing and running her hands through her hair. Their heads shot up when they saw me and then they looked at each other and then back to me.

I frowned, "What's going on?"

Courtney grabbed an envelope from the table and shoved it in my hands, "Open it jace, before I have a heart attack."

The envelope was large and had the Harvard seal in the left corner and my name and address printed in the middle and I nearly choked because I'd forgotten filling out the application entirely. I ripped it open and ran my eyes over the words that seemed to be shrinking before my eyes. I felt the letter fall from my hands and I saw the floor swallow it whole as the words swirled through my mind.

"What does it say?" Courtney asked.

Eli laughed, "You did it jace."

And Courtney screamed so loud that I couldn't hear myself think let alone wrap my mind around what had just happened.

monday
I knew Elizabeth wouldn't want to see me, so I told Veronica that I forgot something and slipped into Elzabeth's room.

She frowned, "jace."

"Elizabeth."

"You should've told me you were coming."

"You would've told them not to let me in."

She looked down at her hands, "That's not true."

I pulled my acceptance letter from my pocket and handed it to her, crossing my arms. She looked at the letter and back up at me, as if she didn't understand what it all meant. "I got into Harvard."

"...Good job."

"But I wont go if you don't want me to."

She frowned, "You should--"

"I want you to think about it, really think about it." I hadn't come to Nebraska Psychiatric Hospital with a plan, so I wasn't quite sure where I was speaking from. But I just kept going. "I don't know if you still want to be my girlfriend or not, but you're still my best friend. We don't really have a choice in things like that, it's just something that we are. So, if you don't want me to go, I wont...whatever you decide, that's what I'll do."