jace

February: A Relapse

friday

Jacob and Garrett came over after school and told me to get my car keys. I could tell that they weren't going to ask me to drive them to some restaurant or to the mall, this time things seemed serious. Jacob was completely silent and Garrett was wringing his hands. When I asked why, they told me that Elizabeth hadn't been in school all week and they were starting to get worried. So I told Eli that I was leaving and I drove the three of us down to Elizabeth's house.

It was pristine on the outside, just like it had been all of those years ago. And as I pulled into her driveway, the front door swung open and a short woman glared at me from inside the house. Her hair fell in waves around her shoulders and if not for the spiteful look on her face--and the obvious age difference--she would have looked exactly like Elizabeth.

"Hello," I stuffed my hands in my pockets and did my best to smile, because I was meeting Elizabeth's mother for the first tme and I didn't want to make a bad mpression.

"Hi."

"I'm jace, it's nice to meet you."

"Okay."

"...Is Elizabeth home?"

"No."

"Oh. Do you mind telling me where she is?"

"I don't know." She then crossed her arms and walked back into the house, closing the door behind her. Based on her reaction, I figured that there were two possibilities. The first was that she was lying and the second was that she really didn't know. I didn't find either of them acceptable.

Garrett suggested that we drive around for a few hours even though Elizabeth didn't really go out much, he insisted that we do it anyway just in case she did. "It'll keep your mind busy jace," he said, staring out of the window. "You wont jump to any conclusions if your mind's busy."

Busying my mind didn't help at all, probably because my mind was always busy. I was always wondering why or how or when or what and it never got me anywhere. I had already jumped to the conclusion that Elizabeth had relapsed. And I was wondering if Elizabeth relapsed and why and how and when. So I decided that instead of wondering, I would ask.

monday

Dr. Searly was waiting for me when I arrived at Nebraska Psychiatric Hospital that day, with his clipboard and his white coat . And he quickly hustled me behind the front desk and told me that I'd be helping Veronica as he had to deal with high maintenance patients that day.

"Dr. Searly."

"Yes?"

"Where's Elizabeth?"

And he didn't seem shocked at all, he just sighed and tucked his clipboard beneath his arm. "She came in on Thursday, after you'd already gone home."

"Can I see her?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

I frowned, "Why not?"

And then he told me that I was doing well and seeing Elizabeth in her state might "engcourage" me to relapse as well. And I really didn't understand.

thursday

My mom was sitting on the couch when Eli and I got home that day. She smiled up at me and asked Eli if the two of us could be alone. He went upstairs and Courtney began to fuss at him immediately.

"Hi jace."

"Hi."

"I want to talk to you."

"Okay," I sat on the couch opposite her.