self loved | e.d.

seven

fire lit up the night sky above us around the dark oak trees.

grayson, ethan, vanessa, and i all sat on some logs we pulled out of from the forest.

roasting marshmallows and telling lifetime stories.

ethan sat there watching the dancing light in front of us. perhaps thinking.

my elbow nudged his arm. "what are you thinking about?"

he looked at his arm, then up to me. "life." the boy confessed.

i simply nodded my head. "there's a lot to it."

ethan went back watching the fire like it was a tv show.

"i'm mostly thinking about the future." he twiddled his fingers.

i stayed quiet, wanting him to speak more. not trying to interrupt his late night thoughts.

"it's like you know what to think about, but just want it to come true." he spoke.

grayson and vanessa stood up.

"hey, we are gonna go to bed." grayson told ethan and i.

"don't stay up too late." vanessa winked at me.

i rolled my eyes grinning at her actions.

"goodnight." i told both of them.

ethan sat there looking down at the ground covered by colorful leaves, meaning the fall season is coming.

he breathed in deeply, letting out a heaving sigh. "don't you ever get that feeling inside of you. it's like you want it to get out of you but it can't."

i nodded my head, concentrating on what he's telling me.

"almost like a cancer." ethan spoke softly, his voice cracking.

he's holding back his tears. water grew in his eyes as i looked at the kid.

"are you okay ethan?" i whispered concerned.

he shook his head no.

my lips gravitated downwards.

"c-can you." his breathing was heavy. trying to get oxygen.

my eye sight still grew upon him. knowing what he was going to say. "yes."

the both of us stood up.

ethan slowly and unsteadily wrapped his arms around my small torso, after bending down to reach my height. i followed his actions, doing the same around his neck.

he sobbed into my shoulder quietly as my heart began to break for the poor boy.

i don't even know what he's going through. but all i know is that it's killing him on the inside.

the way he's opening up to me is so sweet and generous.

i will forever and always love this part of ethan.