self loved | e.d.

twenty three

[song for the chapter]
better off - ariana grande
put on repeat

ethan's hand grazed over my sensitive skin. cooling touch with a wave shocking over my body.

his eyes demanding, knowing what he wants.
and i want it to.

my eyes looked over his shoulder seeing vanessa and grayson sitting there in the circles outline showing an amused look in their faces.

i bit my lip daring to go — not wanted to be embarrassed or judged.

"ethan." my soft voice whispered. shifting my gaze back to his determined face.

his face shifted down. "i understand."

a smirk spread a crossed my face. grabbing onto his wrist that was holding over my cheek, squeezing it lightly telling him i have.

his eyebrows knit together, but soon find out that i have and that i want it.

ethan kept his dark eyes on me, almost smiling that i confessed to him.

"come on." i tilted my head towards the door. cheers came out of people, clapping us on with what ever they got.

"hell yes!!" i hear vanessa scream behind us before we walked out of the room. "that's my fucking best friend!!"

ethan looked over at me holding the door. i giggled at her while looking back.

vanessa stood up clapping and screaming. grayson covering his face laughing.

"after you." ethan gestured.

i rolled my eyes cause of his stupidity. "stop we are about to.. uh." i stopped in my tracks looking down at my feet.

"if you don't want to it's fine, alexis." ethan walked up to me.

"no it's just.. i've never done it before." i sighed out. ethan grabbed one of my hands, using his other one to lift my head up to look at him.

his eyes lightened under the yellow dim hall light. "i'll go easy."

"please stop." i spoke out loud.

"wait why?" he questioned holding a confused look on his face.

"hm?" i answered.

"you said please stop?" he laughed. putting taking his hands back to his sides. my hand and cheek retrieved back to the cold.

"i did?" my voice echoed through the low hall.

"...yes." his head nodded up and down.

"oh.." silence grabbed onto our conversation. making us stand there awkwardly.

i shifted my feet back and forth. not really knowing if i want to do this or not.

i felt so brave and confident back there; why isn't it here with me now?

ethans hair glowed a dark brown with a yellow tint from the light hanging above our heads. "are you stalling?" ethan blurted out.