self loved | e.d.

twenty

a large pack of air shot in my throat. not being able to breathe.

the warmth of graysons hands wrapped around mine. trying to comfort me at his best.

"alexis?" grayson asks. breaking my concentration.

my eyes scan his dark completions.

"do you love him?"

i suck in a deep breath, closing my eyes thinking of what to say.

a memory hits me from last night.

"please do understand that people love you very deeply in this world. you just don't see it."

"but what if they don't." he sniffles.

"then they aren't worth it for you to care. your family loves you, friends?"

ethan tilted his head down. "do you?" he asks shocking me a bit.

did he just ask me if i love him?

do it even know the answer to that question?

his eyes swirl with hope but sadness.

"i don't even know the answer to that question." i truthfully tell him. "we've barely known each other, yet know so much."

and it's true.

grayson could be saying that ethan loves me to mess with me.

tears strike down my face. "i don't know, grayson."
i open my eyes to see him looking back at me.

his face held a soft expression. rubbing his thumb against my skin gently.

"i barely know the kid. he decided to be in my life."

"did he?" grayson forcefully asks.

my lips pursed together while i shrugged my shoulders. "i don't know."

my head shook left to right.

"i think it's best if you talk to him." grayson tells me.

he lifts his body up from the couch, still holding me hand in hand. i followed his actions, removing our grip from each other.

a deep sigh rolled out of my mouth. wiping away my tears. "okay." i agreed.

grayson kept his gaze on me, leaning in for a hug.

our arms wrapped around each other. "thank you." i whispered.

"no problem. just be careful." grayson pulled away.

i looked over his shoulder to see vanessa sat down in the same spot she was before.

her body rose up from the couch, walking over to grayson and i.

"don't feel pressured, alexis."

"it's fine." i told them. "you two should get going."