self loved | e.d.

twenty one

today's date is october thirty-first, aka halloween. vanessa has invited me over to a party that has been held tonight.

i haven't answered yet because these past days i haven't been motivated to do anything.

she thankfully understood my answer and decided not to push me about it. which is why i respect her.

her and grayson are starting to hit it off finally. they've been close but not all cuddly, just talking privately.

my mental behavior has gotten better without ethan hovering over my shoulders twenty-four seven.

it's been a relief actually.

he's constant sexual intentions has gotten me head over heals with that boy. driving me insane with the thought of touching him.

one day he'll be all sexual, then the next day he'll be sweet and innocent.

grayson's been coming over to my house and see how i've been doing. telling him i'm okay and he doesn't need to do this, but he insists.

i love and support him so much for caring about me. it matters.

the fan that hangs over my ceiling spins around in circles repeatedly. making me dizzy the more i look at it.

"honey?" a knock was heard from my door.

"yes?" i ask, my voice raspy of not speaking.

the door opens slightly, revealing my dad. "are you okay? you haven't been going out lately."

i sat up, holding my body with my arms. "i'm okay. it's just i haven't had the time to hang out with my friends."

he nods his hands understanding. "what about that ethan boy?"

my heart beats at the sound of his name. "we.. aren't friends anymore." i spoke, regretting my words already.

"do you want to talk about it?" he asks, opening the door more.

"no." i told him.

"okay." my dad nodded his head. "i'm going to bed. goodnight, honey."

"goodnight, dad." i looked over at him before he closed my bedroom door.

a loud sigh came out of my mouth as i laid back down on my bed. still looking up at the ceiling.

my phone dings, gaining my attention to look over my shoulder.

i picked my body up, sliding against my bed to lean up on the bed frame.

as i pick up my phone, it dings again.

on the screen vanessa's contact pops up.

i click on it, typing in my password and began texting.

nessa: are you okay??
nessa: where are you?!

me: what do you mean?